Archive for weddings

5 myths about men

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , , , on November 1, 2009 by prekosifa

1. Men Are Not as Emotional as Women

No. Men are as emotional as women, just not about the things women want them to be emotional about.

If you’ve ever seen men watching or playing sports – football, basketball, golf, even playing poker – then you know that men are very emotional. The pat on the next guy’s ass! Good jump shot, the hugging and kissing when you score a goal. The celebration at winning. Jesus!

In the hunter/gatherer days it was kill or be killed, no time to cry about the deer you just slaughtered let alone name it Bambi and make a film about it. The goal was simple – feed and protect. Nothing much has changed, men still want to feed and protect. When that mission is threatened, you will see men get emotional even if to you it just looks like fists flying. Just watch your man’s anger rise when the 6ft 3inch Rasta shows you attention on Ocho Rios, to him his territory (read woman) is under threat of invasion and the only solution is to knock the rent-a-dread out.

A man’s violence is always related to his emotions. When a man is emotional he does something about it, so you get a load of guys whose only shortcoming is that their default setting is action not words. We are raised to fight and win wars, not talk about how our boss made us feel when he said our work was substandard! Even with the rise of the Metrosexual man, the fact remains that men and women are emotional about different things and in different ways. Allegedly it’s okay for big boys to cry now but until you can prove that women have lost their appetite for bad boys, embracing my feminine side can wait. I’m also willing to bet that you won’t catch a man who actually wants to get laid bawling into his woman’s bosom!

2. Men Don’t Like to Communicate

No. Men are actually better communicators than women.

If by communicate you mean talk a lot then the ladies win hands down. If you’re talking about quality of communication, not the quantity of words that come out of your mouth then it’s a slam dunk for the boys. Think about it, if men didn’t like to communicate we wouldn’t have so many mobile phones, we wouldn’t pick up girls in bars and we wouldn’t be able to get laid on a Saturday night. Unlike women who mostly talk for the sake of it, men actually communicate with an endgame in mind – a result. It’s more strategic. Occasionally we’ll talk for bonding. I can remember many conversations with my boys that would last for hours, covering a range of topics from sport to girls to growing up to cooking! We would gossip like it was going out of fashion and enjoy doing so.

The basis of this myth is probably the fact that we don’t want to talk at 3am when everything inside of us is saying it’s either sleep time or sex time. Timing is very important. Women like to talk at very strange times, for us. Football is on, time for a chat. No. Movie about to start, time for a chat. No. Just about to have sex, time to talk. Hell No!

So it’s not that men don’t like to communicate, it’s just that we don’t like to talk just to talk!

3. Men Think About Sex More Than Women Do

No. Men are just more honest about their fascination with sex.

Men think about sex no more and no less than women do. It’s just that it can be pretty obvious that we are thinking about it. The tell tale sign is our downfall and will always get us into trouble, although scientifically arousal isn’t always about sex. The truth is we do think about sex a lot, but so what?  I like to think about happy things throughout my day and sex is probably the happiest thing I have done in my life. On top of that, what goes on between the four corners of my mind and the crotch of my pants is mine and nobody else’s business.

Men thinking about sex is not the problem, I think the real issue for women is that we may not always be thinking about you when we do it! More on what women say they want and the truth here.

4. Men Want to Avoid Marriage

Wrong again. Men want to avoid weddings!

Look, the one thing we want is to be with someone in a committed relationship. We want to have that partner who is there through thick and thin. We want to be a part of something bigger. What we don’t want is the hoo-ha and uproar that goes with planning a wedding. It’s every woman’s dream to have that big day as the centre of the universe with all the other girls looking on with envy, hoping to catch her bouquet. Your dream is our nightmare. The wedding isn’t about us, we’re just props for the day because you can’t have a beautiful bride without a dashing groom. No wonder we’re not as enthusiastic about the wedding as she who must be admired by the masses for a day.

Men have a more practical non-fairy tale perspective which gets wrongly translated as an avoidance of marriage. The average wedding now costs about 20K. Just think how much beer you could buy for that. Or a new car, fix up the den, season tickets for our fave team; the list is endless and makes significantly more sense to us than spending that much on one day.

The biggest issue is that the minute we put a ring on it, she turns into someone else and no longer makes the effort to excite us and we end up feeling like we just got got. We want the newness to last as long as possible. Be honest, as a girlfriend you’re more likely to do the blow job under the restaurant table than as the wife. Frankly ladies, the benefits of being in a relationship with a woman who wants to catch and keep you far outweigh those of being actually caught. Just thinking about it makes us want to run as far away as fuckin’ possible!

5. Black Men Have Bigger Dicks Than White Men

True?

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Am I too old to have a wedding?

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , , on October 18, 2009 by prekosifa

As I get nearer to my fortieth birthday, the chances of me pleasing my ever patient parents with a wedding day to remember, slips further and further into the ether. It’s probably not going to happen.

Not that I have anything against marriage or weddings for that matter.

It’s just that for the first 30 years of my life I couldn’t imagine getting married to anyone and now that I have got my head around the idea, I think I’m too old to do it as I would have liked to have done it in the first place. Silly, probably, but that’s how I feel. I think I have bought into the romantic idea of marriage – beautiful bride in a flowing white gown, dashing groom in a swank suit, the ugly bridesmaids dresses, cute child as ring bearer, the drunken speeches, and even the tossing of the bouquet for all the single ladies who want a ring on it. The works.

That traditional version of events makes it near enough impossible for me to imagine doing it any other way because frankly I feel too old now. In my opinion if you haven’t gotten married before your children, then don’t bother. It can’t happen like that unless it’s your second or third marriage.

I think there is too much focus on the wedding event.

Granted it is an important day and one that we will remember forever so it has to be somewhat perfect. From the dress to the food, and even the guests…perfect. A lot of money is spent on wedding planners, venue planners, cake tasters, dress makers, and anyone else who is smart enough to make a healthy profit from other’s people’s angst for perfection. You can even have your pick from a whole load of wedding magazines giving you information about… weddings.

Weddings are clearly big business but where are the magazines on marriage?

You know, the ones to tell you how to act after the event, when real life kicks in. A quick guide on what you need to know, the tax implications, what happens when the kids grow up? Basically what it really means to be married.
You may have noticed that I switch effortlessly between the terms ‘wedding’ and ‘marriage’ as if they are interchangeable. I do this to see if you the reader knows the difference between these two related terms.

The difference between a wedding and marriage

Picture 12A wedding is the ceremony in which two people are united in marriage or a similar institution. A Marriage is a social union or legal contract between individuals that creates kinship. A marriage is also a legally binding contract and it is here that the cynic in me comes into play. I have nothing against being with someone for the rest of my life, sharing the good and bad times, raising children together and living a full life. However, the term contract frightens the shit out of me. Usually when you see that word, it’s no longer about just you, somewhere lurking in the shadows with notepad in hand, is a lawyer waiting to pounce when things go wrong.

Back in the day, if you wanted to spend your life with someone, you both jumped the broom and that was it. What was yours was now hers. You tried to make it work and if things didn’t work out you snapped the broom in half and found someone else (I am guessing at this bit!) Then marriage became ’an institution’ that said wait a minute, ‘all these people getting married and we ain’t getting paid, we need a contract!’

And so the marriage contract was born.

A piece of paper that declares you are legally married. Legally married because you can actually be non legally married if you choose to pay the ‘wrong’ venue. And the fact that it is a contract meant that you had to pay for the privilege in some way. Government happy, church happy, solicitor happy, everybody happy right? Right!..that is until the divorce.

It all becomes clearer when you look at what happens when you want to end the marriage. That’s when you remember that you are in a legal contract and you need to pay someone who understands the contract to help you escape. Enter the overpaid lawyer…

divorce_pic

Divorce is the final termination of a marriage, canceling the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage and dissolving the bonds of matrimony between two persons. In short even if the two of you agree it’s over, it ain’t over until the law says it is.

My take on the institution of marriage

Most of us mistake the wedding for a marriage. In reality a wedding lasts about 12 hours, a marriage hopefully a lifetime. A wedding is two people in front of a group of spectators; a marriage is just the two of you after the spectators have gone home, having taken bets on how long it will last. A wedding on average costs twenty grand. A failed marriage can cost you a hell of a lot more. Too many marriages fail within the first two years, once the honeymoon period fizzles out and the real work of being married kicks in. Why? Because people buy into the romantic side, the wedding, and not the actual marriage itself. By the time marriage starts failing, it’s too late to start thinking about what the legal contract really means.

So am I being cynical? Perhaps.

If you do plan on getting married, at least check out the contract and the real not just romantic implications. Like buying a car or signing up for cable TV, read the small print and understand what is expected of you. Don’t walk down that aisle in ignorance because it will not be bliss.