Archive for men

5 myths about men

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , , , on November 1, 2009 by prekosifa

1. Men Are Not as Emotional as Women

No. Men are as emotional as women, just not about the things women want them to be emotional about.

If you’ve ever seen men watching or playing sports – football, basketball, golf, even playing poker – then you know that men are very emotional. The pat on the next guy’s ass! Good jump shot, the hugging and kissing when you score a goal. The celebration at winning. Jesus!

In the hunter/gatherer days it was kill or be killed, no time to cry about the deer you just slaughtered let alone name it Bambi and make a film about it. The goal was simple – feed and protect. Nothing much has changed, men still want to feed and protect. When that mission is threatened, you will see men get emotional even if to you it just looks like fists flying. Just watch your man’s anger rise when the 6ft 3inch Rasta shows you attention on Ocho Rios, to him his territory (read woman) is under threat of invasion and the only solution is to knock the rent-a-dread out.

A man’s violence is always related to his emotions. When a man is emotional he does something about it, so you get a load of guys whose only shortcoming is that their default setting is action not words. We are raised to fight and win wars, not talk about how our boss made us feel when he said our work was substandard! Even with the rise of the Metrosexual man, the fact remains that men and women are emotional about different things and in different ways. Allegedly it’s okay for big boys to cry now but until you can prove that women have lost their appetite for bad boys, embracing my feminine side can wait. I’m also willing to bet that you won’t catch a man who actually wants to get laid bawling into his woman’s bosom!

2. Men Don’t Like to Communicate

No. Men are actually better communicators than women.

If by communicate you mean talk a lot then the ladies win hands down. If you’re talking about quality of communication, not the quantity of words that come out of your mouth then it’s a slam dunk for the boys. Think about it, if men didn’t like to communicate we wouldn’t have so many mobile phones, we wouldn’t pick up girls in bars and we wouldn’t be able to get laid on a Saturday night. Unlike women who mostly talk for the sake of it, men actually communicate with an endgame in mind – a result. It’s more strategic. Occasionally we’ll talk for bonding. I can remember many conversations with my boys that would last for hours, covering a range of topics from sport to girls to growing up to cooking! We would gossip like it was going out of fashion and enjoy doing so.

The basis of this myth is probably the fact that we don’t want to talk at 3am when everything inside of us is saying it’s either sleep time or sex time. Timing is very important. Women like to talk at very strange times, for us. Football is on, time for a chat. No. Movie about to start, time for a chat. No. Just about to have sex, time to talk. Hell No!

So it’s not that men don’t like to communicate, it’s just that we don’t like to talk just to talk!

3. Men Think About Sex More Than Women Do

No. Men are just more honest about their fascination with sex.

Men think about sex no more and no less than women do. It’s just that it can be pretty obvious that we are thinking about it. The tell tale sign is our downfall and will always get us into trouble, although scientifically arousal isn’t always about sex. The truth is we do think about sex a lot, but so what?  I like to think about happy things throughout my day and sex is probably the happiest thing I have done in my life. On top of that, what goes on between the four corners of my mind and the crotch of my pants is mine and nobody else’s business.

Men thinking about sex is not the problem, I think the real issue for women is that we may not always be thinking about you when we do it! More on what women say they want and the truth here.

4. Men Want to Avoid Marriage

Wrong again. Men want to avoid weddings!

Look, the one thing we want is to be with someone in a committed relationship. We want to have that partner who is there through thick and thin. We want to be a part of something bigger. What we don’t want is the hoo-ha and uproar that goes with planning a wedding. It’s every woman’s dream to have that big day as the centre of the universe with all the other girls looking on with envy, hoping to catch her bouquet. Your dream is our nightmare. The wedding isn’t about us, we’re just props for the day because you can’t have a beautiful bride without a dashing groom. No wonder we’re not as enthusiastic about the wedding as she who must be admired by the masses for a day.

Men have a more practical non-fairy tale perspective which gets wrongly translated as an avoidance of marriage. The average wedding now costs about 20K. Just think how much beer you could buy for that. Or a new car, fix up the den, season tickets for our fave team; the list is endless and makes significantly more sense to us than spending that much on one day.

The biggest issue is that the minute we put a ring on it, she turns into someone else and no longer makes the effort to excite us and we end up feeling like we just got got. We want the newness to last as long as possible. Be honest, as a girlfriend you’re more likely to do the blow job under the restaurant table than as the wife. Frankly ladies, the benefits of being in a relationship with a woman who wants to catch and keep you far outweigh those of being actually caught. Just thinking about it makes us want to run as far away as fuckin’ possible!

5. Black Men Have Bigger Dicks Than White Men



So, exactly how many is too many?

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , , , on September 6, 2009 by prekosifa

I was listening to a female dj on the radio the other day and a woman had written in with a dilemma. Her fiancé had asked her how many men she had slept with prior to him and she had told him 14 (she was in her mid-thirties and to me this is a below average number and a good score for a potential wife). Her fiancé flipped, calling her a slag, ho’ and a whole host of other words of that genre. The dilemma she had though was that she hadn’t told him the truth in the first place. The real number of men that had stoked her fire was actually 34. Could or should she tell him the whole truth ?

counting numbers

We live in a society where it’s acceptable for a man to have as many conquests as possible from the time he gets his first hard on, but preferable for a woman to be a virgin (or something close to that) until she gets married. It is what we are told is the norm and expect to happen. We see on the television and in the cinemas. The truth is though that both men and women love to have sex. It gives you something to do at 6 in the morning; you can start your day with a bang, and bang on all day if you want to. It’s necessary for the miracle of childbirth and creates much jobs, the porn industry even does well in a recession!

Inevitably questions get asked. How many have you had is a reasonable enough question for someone embarking on a new relationship to ask a prospective significant other. It’s okay to want to know how many previous owners there have been and if there have been any serious scrapes or accidents. Some people even want  details and this too is fine if done in a loving relationship where no one is judged for previous sexual relations. It can add spice to a relationship if you are that way inclined. Questions are fine, they are allowed. But be happy with the answer. See the answer for what it is – just a number that really  doesn’t mean anything.

When a woman tells you how many men she has slept with, she won’t necessarily tell you the truth. She may only count the ones she enjoyed, or the ones she loved, or the ones that she remembers! Whatever number she comes up with will not be a reflection of the true state of affairs. It may well be just a number plucked from mid air. Her creative accounting is justifiable because most men will react like the guy on the radio did.

It’s okay to genuinely want to forget certain night-time encounters because they were so bad. Fact is fellas, the number of partners doesn’t matter because you really can’t handle the truth and she is lying anyway. A man will be thinking about the number of hard dicks his woman has had and will assume she is constantly making comparisons, marking him on a non-existent score card, (hmmn… bigger than Billy, a bit smaller than Winston!) It’s this thought that infects our minds and makes us unable to deal with this, not the actual statistics.

When a man tells you how many women he has slept with, he won’t tell you the truth. He may include the automatic triple start up (this figure denotes the girls he must have had sex with if he indeed started having sex at 15, and not 18 as his first encounter would testify); the girls he should have had during his week in Ibiza; the girls he almost fucked; the girls he wished he had; and the girl everyone thinks he fucked. Girls, the number of partners he has had doesn’t matter either because you can’t believe the score and you cannot use the figure to guess how good this guy should be in the sack.

So what we end up with is a nonsense conversation. The figure doesn’t tell you anything about the character of the person. If she has had 100 partners it doesn’t mean she is loose, anymore than someone who has had only 1 partner is saintly (she may just have been very unsuccessful at getting laid!) Guys especially treat this figure like it is a holy number, like it tells us all we need to know about someone. It doesn’t and it can’t. You may know you have ten chicken pieces in a bucket, but you can’t tell if they all taste good!

3 tips on what to do if asked how many partners you have had:

  1. Don’t tell
  2. No,  really don’t tell
  3. Don’t you dare fucking tell!

Join the conversation, leave a comment (not a number!)

The seven deadly sins in relationships

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 17, 2009 by prekosifa

So I was watching a film about the seven deadly sins when it suddenly occurred to me that if these sins were applied to relationships today, some of us would be in for a rude awakening. I tried a couple and realised that each of the sins could and would probably lead to the end of the relationship. Common sense huh? You would think, but so many of us go through life failing to apply what are really very simple rules for life regardless of your beliefs.

Pride: You call yourself a proud person but the results of your pride leave you unable to deal with many situations effectively. You are too proud to recognise a problem in your relationship because you have to believe that you are always right. You cling on to your right-ness for so long until you lose your partner. Then blame him/her because pride does not allow you to look at yourself and your wrongdoings. Funny thing is, if you stepped back and viewed your situation without the pride distorting your vision, you would realise that you had fallen. And what comes just before a fall?…..right!

Pride comes with his cousin, Vanity and she allows you to focus on yourself and even start to believe that nothing you do could ever be wrong. Whichever one you are, proud or vain, the results are the same. You lose.

Envy: It is the envy amongst us that makes us unhappy with our lot, that makes us think the grass is greener on the other side. Think about it, we get unhappy with our partners as soon as we hear how somebody else is being treated:

Tony’s girlfriend makes him dinner every day
Then you need to go and live with Tony’s girlfriend!!

Envy does not allow us to be happy. When you are envious, you get stuck in a trap created by your own imagination. You begrudge someone else’s good fortune without thinking about how they got where they are. If your neighbour gets a nice new ride, you secretly hope it will get stolen or at the very least scratched by some other over zealous and jealous neighbour with a penchant for making straight lines using sharp edges! Just as you look at other people’s material possessions with envy, your undermine and even reject the person that loves you, to chase someone else’s life, all the time not seeing that the problem isn’t that he has a better wife than you; the problem is you don’t recognise what you have got until it’s gone.

Gluttony: You want the nice car, the nice house, the trophy wife and kids, the multiple holidays each year abroad, the golf membership and all the cash in the world but you spend so much time at work that you don’t get to enjoy the fruits of your labour. By the time you look up,  from feeding your desire for more, more, more, another man is driving your wife in your car and enjoying your silk sheets in your master bedroom. On holidays your wife spends most of her time with the kids and you spend most of your time asleep or ‘connected’ to the office. That golf membership becomes the only thing you actually have left and you play that with a bunch of guys all in exactly the same boat. Life is about balance and gluttony destroys that  and with it your  life. Too much of everything doesn’t leave any room for anything.

Not to be confused with…

Greed: You have everything you could possibly want in life, but that is not enough. One car is not enough…you want seven!!! You go on a mad spree to collect as much wealth and material things as you can. You are greedy for things and you are greedy for people, suffocating your partner 24/7/365. You want all of their affection, all of their time until they can’t give anymore. You see with greed there is selfishness and you are blind to other people’s needs.

Lust:  Perhaps the most dangerous, lust will get you in trouble, everytime. You’re out with the fellas and that nice girl keeps smiling at you. Before you know it, you’re talking and drinking with her. The rest as they say, is history..and an ugly break up!  Sexual lust is easy, we’ve all been there at least once. But there is a type of lust that makes you argue long after you have lost the fight or an insatiable lust for success, more riches, for love , for better working conditions, the list is endless – that’s the lust that will control you and destroy you.

Anger: In life and in love, anger  is your worst nightmare. Shouting, cursing, hitting, breaking, smashing…the list is endless and the damage irreversible.  Some of us lash out with our words, some with our fists. Some of us destroy with our silence, express our anger passively, seething and slowly sucking all the air out of the room, all the time claiming nothing is wrong.

Sloth: Any of you out there with a partner who avoids work at any cost? Just stays at home all day chatting with her girlfriends or playing Pro Evo soccer with the boys. At first you don’t mind the burden until it dawns on you that this person is still sitting in the same place 8 hours later, smelling of a combination of cheetos, ass, sweat and pepsi. Sloth also shows itself in a person’s attitude: ‘Just can’t be bothered’, ‘I’ll do it tomorrow….if its not raining. ‘ The excuses never end, there’s one for every occassion. If you hear these kinds of excuses then you have already been visited by the sloth monster and it needs to be kicked to the curb!

Sometimes it pays to review your attitudes against timeless principles like the deadly sins, you might just be surprised to see how many negative habits you have allowed yourself to fall into.  

Join the global conversation and leave a comment.

Where have all the real women gone?

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 2, 2009 by prekosifa

Women seem to have one hundred and one reasons for all the tricks they use in the name of looking good. Be it wigs, weaves, blonde highlights on brunettes, false nails, breast implants, whatever, they make it sound very respectable and reasonable to invest as much time and money as they do to ‘enhance’ their appearance. 

The reason is irrelevant for what I am about to lay down. You see my main concern is that a wig is nothing more than a physical manifestation of the wearer’s fundamental dishonesty. A lie. When you see a fine woman with nice hair in a club or at the mall, you assume that what you see is what God gave her. Why wouldn’t it be? Unfortunately, you actually get a little bit more than you bargained for, like someone else’s hair. 

Wigs to me are like good lawyers, they hide the truth. I remember when I was younger. It was the first time my then girlfriend stayed over, a romantic time, a time of innocence. I thought I knew everything I needed to know about her. She was beautiful, intelligent, witty, dressed well and above all my mum liked her.

In the throes of passion I reached forward and pulled her head back (someone told me this was a killer move.) Imagine my shock when ‘her’ hair came off in my hand. She thought my scream was induced by pleasure…it wasn’t! It took me a long while to get over the whole experience and I was left feeling cheated, like I’d been had by false advertising.

The enhancements have become significantly more sophisticated.  They are less inclined to come off in an unsuspecting hand and it’s quite hard to tell what’s real and what’s not. For me though,  the fact remains, wigs whether good or bad still hide the real person.

I would like to be able to pick my girlfriend out in a line up (not that I’m into criminals but you never know, you know!)  How the hell can I do that if she is changing her hair everyday? On top of that if children are involved then it’s got to be traumatic for them, just imagine some confused kid:  ‘Mum…is that you? Oh sorry aunty!’

A wig signifies someone who is not comfortable in her own skin. I have to ask myself, if she is willing to lie about her hair then what else is she willing to lie about? Is it fair to assume that the woman who dons a wig is the woman most likely to cheat on you? Most likely to lie to you? I don’t know, but it does raise the question in my head and that’s enough. One thing I do know is that I may think twice before believing what she is telling me. Unfair? Maybe. 

There is a scene in ‘I’m gonna git you sucka’ (shout out to the low budget early 80s movie) when some poor unsuspecting guy takes what he thinks is a hot chick home. To cut a long story short, by the time she’s pulled off her hair, nails, boobs, legs, teeth, and even an eyeball, dude is left petrified and feeling stupid. Ladies, let a man love you for who you really are, not who you are pretending to be. Honesty from the get go in a relationship is a good thing isn’t it? Isn’t that what you all cry for and isn’t that the best foundation of a long lasting relationship?

I know some of you out there disagree with what I’m saying. In fact I probably won’t be answering any calls from my ex partners for a few days! In my defense, I have tried to think about this from the other side and I’ve considered whether as a man I contribute in some minor way to women feeling they have to add stuff to be attractive.

Personally I don’t see the need for all the add-ons. They don’t even make sense to me. Maybe I’m over thinking the whole issue and fake hair, boobs, or nails are no different to flash clothes or a nice ride. It’s all about image and if that’s the case then I’m guilty of the same thing. I guess the point of all the add-ons is to look good and feel confident right?  

Some guys actually go for that stuff and like the unnatural feel of implants, the face of enhanced perfection or long hair neatly attached with glue. Maybe blondes do have more fun even if the blonde came in a bottle and their roots are plain old brown. Just because I think women go to the extreme, it doesn’t mean I’m right. Maybe I’m the one with a problem and I’m projecting my own issues with self image onto women. Nah, I don’t think so!

Join the global conversation and share your views on this issue by leaving a comment.

What’s the real issue? I know it’s not my clothes on the floor!

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , , on April 18, 2009 by prekosifa

I leave my clothes on the floor by the laundry basket. I do this with full knowledge that I will pick them up and put them in the wash at some point. I also leave the bathroom floor wet and crumbs in the sink. I don’t do these things to upset anyone.

It’s just what I do. Simple.

Having lived with a few women in my time, I know that such behaviour is not appreciated and has caused more arguments and disagreements over the years than I can count. For my part, I admit to complaining about a girlfriend’s hair clogging the sink and clothes taking up more than their fair share of space in the closet.

Women though are in a league of their own when it comes to the art of bitching and moaning about the smallest things. Do I really have to hear about someone cutting the line at the grocery store? I don’t think so. The ultimate though is the classic and guaranteed to leave one or both parties miserable:

Does my bum look big in this? Hell yeah!

I know people that have been on the verge of a breakdown just because their other half used the same knife in the butter as they did in the jam. Truth of the matter is we get something from complaining and making silly demands. What if we just accepted that everything was as it should be? I suspect more than a few of us would be lost without our little quibbles.

Just think about it.

We spend our time in relationships trying to get our partner to do things they just don’t want to do. The big irony is if they did do things as we wanted then we would probably get bored of them. What if the man you find so exciting is exciting partly because he never quite manages to call when he says he will? Would that hot chick that makes your heart race hold your interest if she was always available, always answered your calls?

Probably not.

We take for granted the good things about our partners and obsess about the things we decide are bad. We don’t accept that our loved ones are perfect just as they are and just as they aren’t. Shit, when you eat an apple you don’t generally eat the core, but you accept that the core is part of the apple. Most of us though don’t extend that level of acceptance to our significant other.

So here’s the deal.

Most of us would rather hide behind the little things instead of confronting the real issue in our relationships. We secretly hope that sweating the small stuff will somehow eliminate the big stuff. I’ve got news for you, it won’t and if you think it will you’re plain crazy. Women are exceptionally gifted at the art of picking fights about the meaningless, although I’ll admit us men don’t help the situation with our flair for the passive aggressive (non) response.

Any disagreement that keeps coming up again and again is a good indicator of a bigger issue.

If you are in a happy, loving relationship then not much will bother you or knock you off the high you’re on. On the other hand, if you’re faking your happiness then every little thing becomes a big deal. A friend of mine’s husband used to put talcum powder on his feet in the morning before he put on his workboots. He would do this in the same place everyday, leaving talcum powder trails on the floor that he wouldn’t clean up. This drove her crazy.

Why does he do it? Why can’t he just clean it up? she would cry.

The talc wasn’t the real issue. If it was then that would make her the first person in history to name talcum powder as the third party in a divorce! No, the real reason she got divorced was that she didn’t want to be with him anymore. She wasn’t happy in her marriage and her unhappiness took the guise of complaining about small things, like talc. She was avoiding what she really wanted to say and he was avoiding hearing it. As each minor issue was resolved, she was still unhappy and nothing he did made any difference.

Eventually they found a resolution – divorce.

If your partner is constantly moaning about the same things, there is something else going on. Face that, whatever it is, instead of falling into an endless cycle of trying and failing to fix the little things. It may be something big but if you quit the avoidance it probably won’t be bigger than you or the relationship. Give yourself a fighting chance at happiness by having the courage to face the real issue. Like eating an apple, to get the best of your relationship you have to get to the core.

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Should you be friends with your ex?

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , , , , on April 11, 2009 by prekosifa

So you meet a new girl and are going out for the first time. You get to the club on time and are partying away on the dance floor, loved up and acting silly – as you do when you’re trying to impress. You go to the bar to get some drinks, new girl in tow when you get a tap on your shoulder. You spin around, it’s your ex.
‘Hi’ she says and fixes you with a stare.
‘Hello’ you say back.

At that moment, what you do next determines the future of your new relationship and your old relationship. Do you introduce the two of them? If not, why not? If you do, do you introduce her as your ex or as a friend? Do you introduce your new girl as your new girl or not? Do you feel funny doing so? A lot can happen and what you do at that moment determines everything.

Women, as do men like closure. They want to know that when you have split up from your ex, you stay split and act accordingly. No guy likes to think about his woman ‘hittin’ it with an ex dick. We do not want that in our space. We are happy to know that it may have happened but there were no witnesses and it was terrible anyway! We dare not even think about the fact that, if it is indeed the case, we were not the first (and possibly won’t be the last) to go to that fun spot in the shade.

What do you do when your partner states, without a problem, that their ex is a friend and they plan to stay in touch? Would this be a problem for you? The first thing that goes through my head is, if you guys are friends and you have already had sex, then what is there to stop you doing it again? All my insecurities show up and I’m thrown into a cycle of uncertainty and questions every time they speak on the phone or hang out.

Most women, as a rule, don’t like to have a strange woman in their space and some even have issues with their OWN friends being around their man. Naturally territorial and protective of the fledgling relationship and maybe still trying to suss out if the new beau will be faithful, the ex as friend becomes symbolic of an all you can eat buffet in front of his face!

Since by a certain age most of us will have had more than one relationship, we are left with a lot of people in relationships who are worried. Worried about not being enough for their partner and that maybe the ex, now friend, is a little bit more. Worried about not being as important as this person who still seems to have a place setting at your table.

Common sense tells us that the ex is an ex for a reason. The relationship didn’t cut it. Some people are better off as friends but only find out after getting the sex out of the way first. For me the words honesty and trust come to mind. If we can be honest with and trust our respective partners then does it and should it really matter who they keep counsel with? You can choose to make it hard for them to be honest with you or you can trust that when they say friend, they mean just that.

The solution is simple, stop worrying and accept that there was someone before you and your current sees a good enough reason to have that ex remain in their life. You don’t have to like it but you don’t have to hate it either. If they’re honest about it then trust them to handle it with respect for you and your relationship.

What do you think? Should your ex be a friend? Join the conversation and post a comment.

Is chivalry dead or just not required anymore?

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , , , , on April 4, 2009 by prekosifa

Growing up I remember one of the biggest ordeals I had to face was asking a girl out. I believed in opening a door for a girl, watching my language when in female company, always being polite when meeting their parents and trying my best to make a good impression.

I grew up listening to motown and watching old Hollywood classics where true love always triumphed and the good guy got the girl. Love was a big issue and treating a female in the right way was a big deal and a man’s priority.

Things, it seems, have changed. Last week a girl I know asked me out. As much as I liked the attention and the sincerity behind it I couldn’t help feeling a bit disappointed because it seemed the final line had been crossed. Wasn’t I meant to do the asking?

Don’t get me wrong, I was very flattered but something didn’t sit well with me about the whole episode. It kind of threw me off guard and left me with a sinking feeling. I had lost control of the situation and I found myself thinking forward about how this reversal of roles at the offset could influence the relationship. Would I be powerless or would it be irrelevant to how things progressed? I took my quest to the streets (well some of my closest friends at least) to see how the boys felt about women hitting on them.

Women seem hungry these days, came one reply. They’re just going out for theirs, quipped another guy. I know a lot of them are driving nice rides, have good jobs and are living a life that was strictly a man’s world for a long time but with it they also seem to have adopted some distinctly male characteristics. It shows itself mostly in clubs or other social settings. There’s a hint of aggression, especially towards other women. Whatever happened to the gentle touch?

More importantly, what does this new breed of alpha female mean for good old fashioned chivalry? Since women appear to have taken control from the boardroom to the bedroom, maybe chivalry is no longer required of us men. Of course there are those of us that still want to practice it but it could be that we’re stuck in the past. Heck, the way some women work out they should be opening the door for us anyway!

It seems to me that you no longer need chivalry to ‘get the girl.’ It’s not expected and I guess that means it isn’t necessary because women are not sitting around waiting for men to ask them out. They go out in packs now, ready to hunt for their prey.

The world has changed and along with it the roles of men and women. A lot of us are happy about that, some of us think we are happy and are truly not. Let’s be honest, we worry about what else is going to have to change. The whole male role is under threat and maybe in a few years we won’t even know what it means to be masculine.

As the dividing line between what is male and female gets thinner, it has also changed the social norms that we’ve always taken for granted. Not only do women ask men out now but some have even become laddish and predatory about it, leaving us boys feeling like disposable sex objects!

One night stands, once the domain of men with a taste for loose women, are now common place and can be had every night of the week with highly strung oversexed ladettes. Am I complaining? Not as an individual who can appreciate the obvious benefits of this new world order but as part of the collective male of the species, I am a bit concerned.

No one really likes change anyway because we don’t know what to do with it or how to act around it. I guess all we can do is go with the flow and see where it all ends up. As the Temptations sang in the 80s ‘I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t believe that chivalry is dead.’ Two decades is a long time though and maybe those lyrics don’t mean much anymore and I’m just part of a dying breed in the new millennium.

What do you think? Have women become too independent for their own good? Join the conversation and post a comment.