Archive for man

The Quid Pro Quo of Relationships

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , , on September 27, 2009 by prekosifa

There are those of us that believe in the traditional relationship set up. Man and woman together, man works, woman tends the home, man does the manly chores, woman cooks, both raise the child in their own way, the woman giving the caring side, the man the survival side needed to live in this world. All in all a harmonious thing and a relationship model that works.

As time has moved on things are changing, the woman’s role has become, some would say, more masculine, and men, a touch more feminine, where would we be without metro-sexual man and his ‘man bag’, and in some cases, mascara? But with this major fundamental social change some attitudes have stayed the same. Simply put, though the roles have changed the rules haven’t, cue arguments, breakups and unhappiness.


So what’s missing?

The quid pro quo. Defintion: from the Latin meaning “something for something’ it indicates a more-or-less equal exchange or substitution of goods or services. English speakers often use the term to mean “a favor for a favor” and the phrases with almost identical meaning include: “what for what,” “give and take,” “tit for tat”, “this for that”, and “you scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours’.

The other day whilst I was sipping my decaf double mocha latte with a cinnamon and nutmeg twist in Starbucks, (Is that a metro man thing or what?). I eavesdropped on the conversation two thirty something women were having at the table next to me. They were discussing relationships and woman A said that she wanted a man that would do ‘manly’ things. She wanted to be cared for and looked after, she wanted roses and walks in the park and all that gushy stuff, (she was clearly a product of Mills and Boon books and old Hollywood films). Her friend, on the other hand, said she wanted a relationship which was equal.

‘In what way?’ enquired Woman A, with a puzzled look on her face.

‘Equal in that we both give and both receive and are both happy and content’, she replied.
You see she had been in too many relationships where she felt she had given more than she had gotten in return and this had left her angry, frustrated and lonely, she felt she had been taken advantage of. Before they left she mentioned that sex had to be used as a bartering tool because it was the only way she got what she wanted!

I had to physically stop myself from prying further into her life. I wanted to know more and thought I needed all the details until it dawned on me that I didn’t need them at all. Common sense tells us that in life, like in physics there is a point of perfect balance called equilibrium. When we find equilibrium in a relationship we end up with a good, solid working partnership on which bigger, better and greater things can be built. When we don’t have it, not surprisingly, the relationship doesn’t work. I used to constantly get angry at an ex girlfriend of mine because I had it she just wanted lots of things from me. That wasn’t the issue though, the true issue was that my needs were not being met.

If they were then what she was asking for wouldn’t have seemed like such a big deal.

I can imagine that Woman A with all her wants was perhaps having difficultly in finding Prince Charming because her demands were not being met by enough going the other way. What was she willing to offer? What did the man get out of the bargain? Did she even care? Woman B seemed to have based a lot on sex, as does often happen. Ladies, this will not always be enough. Please do not make the assumption that as soon as we see some bare flesh and are on a promise, we will be happy as larry, because we won’t be, not all of the time anyway. Maybe her ex man would have preferred to have a meal waiting for him instead, or be picked up from work.

Whatever the reason, there was one, and if she found it there would be balance, and if their was balance she would probably still have been in a relationship.

I have it that relationships can all work better as long as we take the time to truly find out what our partners really want, need and care about. The most important person to each of us is ourselves and when our needs are not being met, there will be desertion, anger and sometimes, downright hatred in the camp.

Things to consider when seeking relationship equilibrium:

  1. What kind of relationship does your partner want, old school or new cool?
  2. Ask yourself, ‘what things does my partner expect?’
  3. Tell your partner what you would like and not like?
  4. Discuss, everything together to find your point of equilibrium
  5. Once found, always double check to make sure it is maintained. As  relationships develop so do needs and wants and it is very easy to lose the point of balance

If you’re in a relationship and having some problems, major or minor, it may well be worth checking where you are on the equilibrium scale.

Join the conversation, leave a comment.


What is it about men with children?

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on July 5, 2009 by prekosifa

What is it about women when they see a man with a kid? I was in the store the other day waiting in line for Customer Services so I could return a faulty DVD. I had my Godson in tow; he’s there doing his thing as toddlers do, being annoying and cute all at once. So I finally get to the front of the line and the lady behind the desk is beaming at me and clearly enamoured with the three year-old.

He takes it all in his stride even when a lady behind me also comments on him and his cute kicks. Before I know it another woman, younger, has joined in the toddler love fest. I return my DVD, with no receipt and end up in a 20-minute conversation with the lady behind me in the queue. The customer services lady goes well beyond the call of duty to help me out and the younger lady just smiles, and smiles and smiles…

Cool dad Brad Pitt

Cool dad Brad Pitt

I finally tear myself away and bid farewell to the fan club and then it hits me: my popularity had more to do with the company I was keeping, the little man, than my own charms! The ladies clearly assumed he was my child and that I was a good dad. They also assumed (or hoped) that I was not with the child’s mother.

Why do I say that? Well, because these ladies were blatantly, even aggressively flirting with me. Now the logical thing to think when you see a man with a child is surely that there’s a mother of the child in the picture, even if she’s not physically there at that moment. Right?

Ladies, enlighten me, why is the sight of a man with a child so appealing to you? Let’s face it, a man with a child doesn’t actually tell you much because there are many scenarios that could have put him there including:

  • It is his child and he is with the mother
  • It is his child and he isn’t with the mother or
  • It isn’t his child.

That’s all. It cannot tell you if he is a good father or a good man, for that matter. So I really want to know what goes through a woman’s mind at that point. Is it about survival of the species and zoning in on presumed reproductive prowess or are some women walking around dreaming of a ready-made family without having to put in the nine months? I’m baffled. Fact is, if I weren’t such a nice guy with good taste I would have walked out of the store three-deep in brand new pussy. Granted the combined age may have been close to 130 but hey, it would have been free!

What’s even more interesting is that guys don’t swamp a woman with a kid whilst she is out shopping. Men immediately assume there’s a boyfriend, husband or baby father somewhere and we don’t want the hassle . That strikes me as a more sensible position, although a bit inconvenient for single mothers…continues after poll…

I’m no closer to figuring out the dynamic but I wonder if women see the future father of their children in the guy hanging out with a kid while men see a woman with a kid as OPP, perceiving her as ‘owned’ by the baby father, regardless of the status of their relationship.

Whatever the reason, I know the women in the store would not have shown me the same level of attention had I been by myself – I have tried it. Am I the last one in the room to figure out that this may be why so many guys have kids everywhere?

Join the global conversation – what’s your take on women losing their senses (and more) at the sight of a man with a kid?