The Dating Game?

I went to a club on New Years Eve. I don’t usually do the whole club thing anymore and to be honest I was pretty much expecting it to be a washout with overpriced entry, overpriced drinks and hundreds of people overly drunk and getting on my nerves. Not that I am super cynical. It’s just that I know how these things always end up. My only saving grace was one of my Christmas presents, a book called ‘The Definitive Book of Body Language’ which I had read cover to cover already. When shit got boring I hoped that my new knowledge of non verbal skills would provide some alternative entertainment for the evening.


When my partner and I walked into the club together, we were noticed by everyone. The other couples checked us out first, looking for similarities or reasons to dislike us. I noticed a couple of ‘circlers’ attempting to take a closer look. Luckily, my partner knew a few people in their and so we had ‘nominees’ striking up conversations, looking for info about our origins and length of stay. All the while our perceived threat level was being established. This behaviour lasted for about 30 mins, until another unfamiliar couple entered the club!


When we found our spot, the area where we would be chilling out for the evening, the activity didn’t stop. Singles were drawn to us like predators in the wild, sniffing out the availability and competition level of either of us. The Female singles followed a standard procedure. First they looked for recognition. Within the first few minutes we were a party to the ‘walk past’, where women and men of all shapes and sizes found it necessary to walk as close to us as was physically possible. This was professional flirting at its most direct, and its aim was to be seen.

After the ‘walk past’, there were some women who decided to flirt from afar, attempting to gain eye contact with me, knowing they could be seen by my partner. This was the female single asserting her position, her dominance and her imposing threat to my status quo. My partners’ attempts to block these feeble attempts only worked in close up. She slowly paced around me, establishing her territory quickly dealing with some amateur flirters who soon found no success at trying to penetrate this inner sanctum.

The Male flirters went straight for the jugular and tried to challenge me head on. An old friend of my partner quickly introduced himself and used the basic territorial technique of the arm around the shoulder to establish dominance. I countered by allowing 4 mins of conversation before I cut in with a playful nudge in her lower back, and a jokey whisper in her ear. The message was clear and the threat had been neutralised!


While dancing my partner became the unsuspecting female victim of the Dance floor predator. These slimy predators are mainly men, (but sometimes big women), and look to cop a free feel by taking advantage of the rhythmic effects of the music, sidling up quietly behind their victim. This one was easily placated by a show of Alpha male dominance on my part and some female masculinity from my partner. Her daggered look was backed up by my ownership claim, a touch of her arm. The threat, usually ‘Lovers not fighters’, quickly shrank into another area of the darkened club. No harm. No foul!

When my girl went to use the bathroom, the women predators saw it as open season. I felt eyes on me, checking out my moves, a girl walked past me and brushed my back with her arm, I spun around just as another moved quickly in front of me. From the other side of the club I could feel eyes on me from the darkness. I felt like a Parisian city being bombed by the Luftwaffe. I knew the purpose of this behaviour was to get me interested, to see if I could be tempted away from my mate. When she returned I made sure I wasn’t doing the electric slide with the four scantily clad divorcees in the corner!


Part way through the night I went to get some drinks. The rules which applied now were different from the ones that applied when we first got here. Usually only one of the couple will go to the bar, more often than not the man, me. The bar trip took around 20 mins and my girl established her dominion by requesting a bottle of water, (even though she still had one). Her request gave me a purpose to go to the bar and more importantly, a reason to come back.

A predatory woman at the bar, upon hearing me order 2 drinks, knew straightaway that I was attached, but she was a die-hard who wasn’t giving up that easily. She moved quickly to establish communication by offering to pay for my drinks, the proverbial ice breaker. I declined with a smile and was thus tricked into a conversation. I knew time was of the essence and she did too. She had only the speed of the bartender, plus 2 or 3 minutes on top, to establish…something between us. Her aim was to waylay me as long as she could, knowing that my woman would soon be wondering where I was. Guys, do like I did, just get your drinks and get the hell out of there! (unless you are genuinely interested, in which case you have only moments to get the necessary details!)


A final trip to the toilets for my partner before we left had the predators outside hoping they had caught a ‘drifter’, (someone unhappy with her current beau and willing to hit anything else!). I think the only thing it managed to do was to have her realise what it was really like to be single in Club land today. She moved quickly to use the facilities and returned to my side, a little bit more grateful!

The night club experience is more than about looking god and more than enjoying the music. It is a battle ground and the rules of engagement are clear and understood. I thought raving was about the music when in fact it is about so much more. It is a David Attenborough wildlife program set to a soundtrack of soul, reggae and hip hop. You see how the game is played and the other players involved, and as soon as you enter the arena, the doors to the club, you are a part of the game. The bouncers are only ther eto make sure you play according to the house rules! Your only choice is whether you play willingly or not, your strategy for winning, being your decision.

Noticing all of this made me truly enjoy my night out because I realised that it wasn’t because of the music, which was good, or the company which was great. I enjoyed watching the people around me and I enjoyed playing the game behind it all, even the hard legs who hit on my girl when I went to get her coat, provided me with entertainment. They were just playing the game according to their rules.

I have found a new way to enjoy a night out and next New Years, I will be looking forward to much more of the same.


One Response to “The Dating Game?”

  1. i agree with this totally

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