5 Myths About Women

1. Women moan all the time

No. Women don’t moan, they just have a better grasp of language and understand the advantages that a multitudinous volume of words can have in any given situation.

Most women can talk nonstop on a given subject on a good day for a long time, and when they are pissed they can grumble and moan for what feels like, (and usually is), even longer. But it is unfair to say that the ability to moan is a part of their fundamental makeup. There does, however, seem to be a certain frequency that women use that men can’t hear it, kind of like a dog whistle. Therefore, to us when a woman says

‘Michael! Why did you leave the dishes in the sink, It would have been nice of you to wash up just once! I do all of your cooking, cleaning and ironing! I raise your kids and you can’t even be bothered to do something so simple, I can’t believe that….etc etc etc’, and so on for the next hour or so.

What we hear is,

‘Michael! Blah blah blah blah, sink, blah blah blah cooking, blah blah blah kids….blah blah blah etc etc etc’

Our perception is that you moan, your reality is that you don’t. In truth it depends on who is supposed to be listening….

2. Women want to get married by any means necessary

No, it just seems that way because they enjoy weddings so much.

The fact that most men apparently don’t want to get married just makes this myth stand out more than it really should, but let’s be honest, men do want to get married too. It’s just a male thing to say that you don’t and a female thing to say that you do. Men like marriage but hate weddings, women like marriage and weddings. The reason for this can be traced back in history. In the campfire days, men went out and killed things whilst women stayed home and did everything else. As a woman, you never knew if your man was coming back because he just might get himself killed in the process of killing. Therefore women wanted some commitment just in case things went pear shaped in the bush! It was a mark of maturity and meant that you were not destined to be ‘the old spinster of the village’.

This has perpetuated through the years to what we have today. Marriage signifies a sense of belonging and maturity, relationship wise, so what is so wrong with that?

3. Women can cook

Some can, some really really can’t!

When you grow up you generally believe that all women can cook as good as your mother. I was lucky enough to have a mum that could cook very well. But when your only example of a cook of any sort is your mother, we tend to put them on a pedestal. We get our first look at male and female roles from our parents, or similar, and it is therefore no surprise that we expect these roles to remain the same as we get older and venture into the world. Generations have changed now and what was standard when we were young is no longer the case for our children… Now it is pretty much 70:30 against that a woman can cook. My daughters can’t, but some of their mates can. To be safe the best thing you can do as a man is to learn to cook yourself. The risk of food poisoning should never be underestimated and the toilet bowl fillers it will produce, in both smell and texture, are no fun when you’re in the middle of a ‘session’ with your loved one.

4. Women are more faithful than men

No, women are just less likely to get caught cheating

A man who sleeps around is hailed as a stud, a woman who does it, a slag. It is therefore no surprise that the things women get up to are kept on the extreme down low, while men parade around lauding it up as the dirtiest dick in town. When you look at this from an infidelity point of view, it becomes clear that women are already better equipped to creep about quietly in the shadows. They do not have the need to boast about their exploits like us men do and certainly can’t do with the negative PR. It is just not that important to them in general, (there are some exceptions).
Women have from the beginning of time always been one step ahead of us where this is concerned. I think it is to do with the fact that it is obvious when a man is turned on, whilst women have always been able to hide this, (damp panties dn’t count!), and as such are kind of built to hold things down more discreetly.

5. Women are softer than men

No. Not unless sensitive means soft, which it doesn’t.

Women can give birth in what is arguably one of the most painful voluntary experiences anyone will have to go through, and in addition they have a monthly battle with the devil in a red dress! As men we can never fully understand what is going on or share their pain. Imagine someone knocking on your door once a month, and whacking you in the stomach when you answer each time! I can imagine that quite quickly you will have a very strong stomach and a very high pain threshold!

Women may be softer in some ways but they are trained to be hard. When I was growing up it was my mum that would beat the shit out of me for my constant wrongdoing, not my dad, (and the mission impossible like inventiveness of her attack strategies put my fathers unimpressive one handed beat downs to shame!); and if you have ever come across a woman scorned, you will know two things, 1, don’t turn your back on her and 2, don’t ever think she will forgive and forget!

Perhaps men have perpetuated this myth because we don’t want to believe in the power that women from history, like Queen Amina or Queen Boudicca, had over men. But with women increasingly gaining a foothold in originally male dominated areas of sports and business, I don’t think this particular myth is going to hold out for much longer.

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