Archive for November, 2009

Topics they say you shouldn’t talk about on a first date – that you really should!

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 29, 2009 by prekosifa

Ex Partners

You should be talking about your exes. You should want to know if the girl you are having dinner with has a pattern, a type of man she goes for. It might not matter if she is into suits and you are an accountant, but what if the last three of her exes ended up in prison for drug smuggling! You might find that interesting to say the least. On a first date we go in armed to the teeth with our history, we wear it like a garment and it shapes our opinions on life and therefore our conversations. The person in front of you represents so much more than the mere form that is being presented. It may be useful to know all about the ex partners and loves-that could-have-been because it may tell you something more about this person you are choosing to spend some quality time with. It may also warn you in advance that this may not be the one for you.

Religion

Why? Isn’t religion an important part of society. The majority of us claim allegiance to some religion or other whether it be catholic, church of England, Jewish, Hindu or the multitude of other lesser denominations and variants, and it matters because it appears to be something that is important to us. Now let’s face it, if you are into the guy sitting opposite you and want to see him again why would you hide something so important to you, or want him to hide this about himself? At the end of the day if you are religious and he/she isn’t, how long do you think the relationship will last anyway? If you do find the urge to argue about why your religion is better than his/hers two things can happen. You find a greater understanding and actually accept the others persons viewpoint, concluding that an opinion is just that, an opinion. Or you go for each others throats and publicly beat the shit out of each other, probably not the best basis for a long lasting relationship anyway.

Politics

Why? Politics are a part of society that we cannot hide away from. Some people may be staunch conservatives or democrats, others are not really that arsed, realising that all parties, except the extreme ones, are pretty much the same anyway. You may not want to introduce the liberal radical partner of your dreams to your upper class conservative family but more embarrassing could be to avoid the topic from the start, unleash this new person on your friends and family over a here’s-my-new-partner dinner, only to find out then that he harbours erotic dreams of running a new communist state and can’t wait to tell everyone about his radical plans for social reform, basing his ideas on Albania of the 1950’s! Arguing about politics is again like arguing about religion, you either agree or disagree. If you are that bothered, then isn’t it better to know from the start of the relationship?

Crazy Relatives

So what if your cousin Johnny is doing 6 months inside for ‘bothering’ sheep? What’s the problem if your elderly Aunt Lucy thinks she is Lady Godiva and regularly hauls her naked wrinkles through the local village on her vintage Raleigh Chopper? Does it really matter? These topics are conversation gold and can turn a boring date into one to remember. We can all see the funny side of things and sometimes it is good to laugh at people, let’s be honest. Embarrassment shouldn’t be an issue and the truth is going to come out sooner or later anyway.

Criminal past

It is important to fess up for 2 reasons. First, your date may still get the urge to mug people whenever presented with the opportunity, and second, it may be nice to know if the person you are on a date with has murdered his/her past lover! You may see that information as a material fact. Being honest about yourself is always important and if you have done something unsavoury, just spill it. You may be proud of the thousands you stole in bank raids across the city, or of the excellent quality of the drugs you used to sell to under age school kids, so let true love navigate its way through these murky avenues. Some women just love a bad boy and I know some guys out there love the idea of a ‘bad-girl’ in prison jim-jams!

Future Plans

The mistake that many of us make is to limit conversation about the past and the present when the future is so much more interesting. You may want to get married in a pink dress, so why not tell it? Why not let your date hear it all so they can form an opinion and decide whether or not to stay for the Second Act. If you are the ‘future plan making type’ of person, then just be yourself. If the person sitting opposite you can’t take it, then what have you really lost except for a few wasted weeks, perhaps months, of getting to know someone who doesn’t have the ability to plan farther than the next episode of Eastenders!

Topics your date is not interested in

I say talk about everything. Find out why this person isn’t interested in the mating habits of the blue spotted vole, or needlework for people with no thumbs and only wants to talk about Football and Darts! I have always believed that you don’t really know if you dislike something until you have tried it. Talk about everything and see how far it takes you. You may be surprised at what you find out and you will definitely know the range of topics that are welcome and whether this person has the breadth of interests that you find attractive.

Of course, these rules only apply to those people out there looking for something deep and meaningful. Those of you just looking for some sweaty, satisfying, meaningless sex to itch that scratch you’ve been having need not follow them, at all.

Unlucky in the love thing?

Posted in 1 on November 22, 2009 by prekosifa

Last week I read a story in a daily newspaper about a Chinese man who filed for a divorce based on the fact that his wife was unlucky! Apparently her first husband had suddenly died after they had built a successful business together and now her new husband was worried about it happening to him. Under orders, his wife was forced to have her astrological charts done by a court appointed specialist and she was indeed found to be bad luck. The divorce was duly granted.

I laughed at this story at first thinking that the husband was probably worrying for no reason. That was until I thought about it some more. Our newspapers are full of horoscopes, horoscopes that I confess I do read sometimes, interested enough to see if they have anything good to say that day. The Papers also advertise other kinds of spiritual advice, like Tarot card reading and psychic phone lines.

In fact, there has never been a time in history when interest in this branch of the scientific unknown, the spiritual, astrological and metaphysical, has been greater than it is now. Psychic phone lines ring off the hook on a daily basis from tens of thousands of people in search of the answer to a specific question, what does the future hold? In fact, the most popular subject of most of these calls is concerned with love and relationships. Will I find the man/woman of my dreams? Is my partner cheating on me? Am I going to find love? What are the winning lottery numbers??

Is all of this behaviour rational? The numbers involved seem to say it is but what is behind all of this interest? Why are we so interested in the future?, in knowing what is going to happen tomorrow? And if we did know, would that really make our lives that much better? that much more interesting? Would it not take the suspense out of everything leaving us to live predicable and possibly boring lives?

We live in a world that is in a constant state of worry. Where love and relationships are concerned, we worry if we don’t find someone, and then when we do find someone, we worry about losing them. Sometimes we worry so much that life becomes a burden and we look for someone somewhere to give us some answers.

I have had psychic readings a few times now and I found them to be amazingly accurate, very helpful, highly informative and absolutely necessary. They didn’t always tell me something I didn’t already know but they made me feel better because the things they mentioned made sense to me. I, like everybody else, worries about the future, will I sell a script or get my novel published? And as soon as the doubt creeps in, as soon as the worry enters the darkest recesses of my mind, I start to look for guidance and explanations that will make me feel better, that will let me know that all I am going through isn’t in vain.

Some of us may look inside a bottle or in the corners of a bag of weed. Others may seek advice from medical specialists with letters after their names and a library of books on psychology at their fingertips. And then there are those of us that hit the speed dial and talk to another kind of specialist. One who didn’t necessarily study their subject at University, one who doesn’t have to meet you in the flesh to know who you are, and one who can be completely open and honest and charges by the minute!

As an alternative you can choose to have your Astrological chart done. This chart, compiled using minimal facts like your date, location and time of birth gives you a scarily accurate picture of yourself. Some cultures take this more seriously than others and those that do, do so for a very good reason.

What you find out is all about your character, what makes you tick, what things you find difficult, how you think. Now if you put that with information on someone else you can accurately match two people together, you can see the kind of match you have with your current or future potential partner. It’s like the ultimate in road tests, a kind of ‘try before you buy’ for relationships, a sneak preview into the future. (Unfortunately it doesn’t necessary take into account physical attributes like looks and height!)

So the Chinese guy had a point. Thanks to his belief in this ‘science’ and concerns about his future he strove to do something about it, to prove that his reservations had a ‘scientific’ basis. Not necessarily the science we studied at school that talked about the periodic table, or how a fuckin combustion engine worked, but a science that is as old as the earth in which we all reside in. My respect goes out to this man who at the end of the day just wanted to be happy in a relationship, without the fear of dropping dead.

As for his wife, things can be done to change her polarity. Whatever negativity she is attracting can be reversed and turned positive. At least that is what I hope and want to believe. It will be a sad state of affairs if we are actually destined to be how we are without the ability to change or transform into how we would like to be throughout our whole lives.

My Hair Apology

Posted in 1 on November 15, 2009 by prekosifa

Over the years I have been a very harsh critic of female hair, a dislike triggered I think, by a childhood incident when my mums afro wig fell off whilst leaning over my pram, I freaked out, (I honestly thought her head had fallen off!). I have cussed women out for how they have chosen to wear their hair ever since. I always had the strong belief that in putting fake hair on your head you were being false, dishonest and disrespectful to guys like me who truly believed that what we saw was real.

I also had a real issue with women who looked terrible in their fake hair, adorning cheap shiny wigs, and odd coloured extensions, (by the way ladies, your friends don’t always tell you the truth). It is down to you, my sistas, to do your best to get it right. LISTEN to that little voice in your head that casts any doubt on a new hair-do, because it is probably right.

That was then, now I hold a different view and because of my 180 degree turn on the subject, I feel it only appropriate that I use this forum to publish a public apology.

I am sorry.

I was wrong and I only hope my harsh words of old haven’t done any lasting damage. And the reason for my sharp turnaround? well, last week I watched the new Chris Rock film, Good Hair. A comedy documentary, that looked at the Black Hair industry and the history, politics and sociology behind it. It was a very interesting and thought provoking film that really lifted the lid on the whole industry, warts and all.

However, what was more interesting to me was looking at the many amazing styles adorned by the women in the audience. I sat at the back near the door and was mesmerised by the huge variety of styles on parade. They were like groups of different beautiful animals at a watering hole. You had the naturals, the wig wearers, the weavettes, the baldies, the permers, the relaxers, the plaiters (no not the group!) and the afrolystics. It was an amazing sight to behold and made me realise that hair was indeed a black womans’ crowning glory. It also made me realise that perhaps black women were not trying to emulate their white counterparts. On the contrary, women were taking advantage of what was available to them and making it work (well, in most cases anyway!). No politics, no history and no real argument!

You see, sitting in that auditorium I finally realised that weaves, wigs, extensions and all the rest were just accessories. According to the Collins English Dictionary, an accessory is ‘a supplementary part or object’. Fake hair is no different to a pretty hat or a pair of expensive sunglasses, just another wardrobe addition that makes the whole outfit work. Hair is now a fashion item that I am sure before long will be hung up on a coat peg the same as your favourite jacket! That day alone I saw all the colours of the rainbow adorning the tops of feminine heads, a  carnival corn’row’copia of colour with matching handbags, shoes and dresses, cut into amazing styles, works of art that wouldn’t have been out of place in the Tate modern or V&A. It always used to amaze me that a girl could have copper coloured hair one day to go with her Gold Nikes, and the following day she would be bustin’ something entirely different. All thanks to something…false. Back in the day you were stuck with a style for at least 3 months. Nowadays, styles are as disposable as used handkerchiefs and it would seem that the world is a prettier place for it.

I used to think that a black woman’s hair was linked to the level of pride she had in her own blackness, that in some way all of this hair shenanigans meant that our black women were selling out their race to mimic their white superior sisters. I used to believe that these women truly believed that the ultimate image of beauty was a blond with long flowing hair. But white women are also hooked on wigs, weaveons and extensions. They are all the same, in pursuit of that perfect image, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, where the hopes and dreams of women reside. The perfect look will never be found because it doesn’t exist. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and the search for it can be a long and arduous task.

A woman’s hair is something we see, something we notice and subconsciously make a judgement, or decision on, about its owner. That decision occurs in a split second but can last a lifetime and can be the difference between getting a job, being asked out on a date or being let into a club. First impressions are that important and I can now understand why the big hoopla around fake hair styles. In fact to be fair, I should stop saying fake and say ‘real’, because of what they represent. They determine how you would like to be acknowledged and understood and they allow you to become whoever you want to become. I can no longer, as much as I have tried to, find any issue with that.

There is however one single caveat to my apology and that is the effect all of this has on our young girls, our future princesses. Hair like other parts of our body grows throughout childhood and through chemical processing, this hair is being damaged at a very young age, unable to grow back properly. Is this really okay? In the film there was a girl of three who regularly had her hair relaxed and didn’t really seem to be as happy about it as her mother was. My own eyes have seen girls as young as four with massive slap heads because their hair has started to recede and six year olds with scalp burns and alopecia, a disturbing sight. Ladies out there, please think about it! Salon owners, are you not in a privileged position of being able to teach and advise as you do your work?

Wigs, weaves and extensions have never been more popular. If the film is anything to go by, the industry is only going to get bigger and therefore more powerful and with great power comes an even greater responsibility.

5 Myths About Women

Posted in 1 on November 8, 2009 by prekosifa

1. Women moan all the time

No. Women don’t moan, they just have a better grasp of language and understand the advantages that a multitudinous volume of words can have in any given situation.

Most women can talk nonstop on a given subject on a good day for a long time, and when they are pissed they can grumble and moan for what feels like, (and usually is), even longer. But it is unfair to say that the ability to moan is a part of their fundamental makeup. There does, however, seem to be a certain frequency that women use that men can’t hear it, kind of like a dog whistle. Therefore, to us when a woman says

‘Michael! Why did you leave the dishes in the sink, It would have been nice of you to wash up just once! I do all of your cooking, cleaning and ironing! I raise your kids and you can’t even be bothered to do something so simple, I can’t believe that….etc etc etc’, and so on for the next hour or so.

What we hear is,

‘Michael! Blah blah blah blah, sink, blah blah blah cooking, blah blah blah kids….blah blah blah etc etc etc’

Our perception is that you moan, your reality is that you don’t. In truth it depends on who is supposed to be listening….

2. Women want to get married by any means necessary

No, it just seems that way because they enjoy weddings so much.

The fact that most men apparently don’t want to get married just makes this myth stand out more than it really should, but let’s be honest, men do want to get married too. It’s just a male thing to say that you don’t and a female thing to say that you do. Men like marriage but hate weddings, women like marriage and weddings. The reason for this can be traced back in history. In the campfire days, men went out and killed things whilst women stayed home and did everything else. As a woman, you never knew if your man was coming back because he just might get himself killed in the process of killing. Therefore women wanted some commitment just in case things went pear shaped in the bush! It was a mark of maturity and meant that you were not destined to be ‘the old spinster of the village’.

This has perpetuated through the years to what we have today. Marriage signifies a sense of belonging and maturity, relationship wise, so what is so wrong with that?

3. Women can cook

Some can, some really really can’t!

When you grow up you generally believe that all women can cook as good as your mother. I was lucky enough to have a mum that could cook very well. But when your only example of a cook of any sort is your mother, we tend to put them on a pedestal. We get our first look at male and female roles from our parents, or similar, and it is therefore no surprise that we expect these roles to remain the same as we get older and venture into the world. Generations have changed now and what was standard when we were young is no longer the case for our children… Now it is pretty much 70:30 against that a woman can cook. My daughters can’t, but some of their mates can. To be safe the best thing you can do as a man is to learn to cook yourself. The risk of food poisoning should never be underestimated and the toilet bowl fillers it will produce, in both smell and texture, are no fun when you’re in the middle of a ‘session’ with your loved one.

4. Women are more faithful than men

No, women are just less likely to get caught cheating

A man who sleeps around is hailed as a stud, a woman who does it, a slag. It is therefore no surprise that the things women get up to are kept on the extreme down low, while men parade around lauding it up as the dirtiest dick in town. When you look at this from an infidelity point of view, it becomes clear that women are already better equipped to creep about quietly in the shadows. They do not have the need to boast about their exploits like us men do and certainly can’t do with the negative PR. It is just not that important to them in general, (there are some exceptions).
Women have from the beginning of time always been one step ahead of us where this is concerned. I think it is to do with the fact that it is obvious when a man is turned on, whilst women have always been able to hide this, (damp panties dn’t count!), and as such are kind of built to hold things down more discreetly.

5. Women are softer than men

No. Not unless sensitive means soft, which it doesn’t.

Women can give birth in what is arguably one of the most painful voluntary experiences anyone will have to go through, and in addition they have a monthly battle with the devil in a red dress! As men we can never fully understand what is going on or share their pain. Imagine someone knocking on your door once a month, and whacking you in the stomach when you answer each time! I can imagine that quite quickly you will have a very strong stomach and a very high pain threshold!

Women may be softer in some ways but they are trained to be hard. When I was growing up it was my mum that would beat the shit out of me for my constant wrongdoing, not my dad, (and the mission impossible like inventiveness of her attack strategies put my fathers unimpressive one handed beat downs to shame!); and if you have ever come across a woman scorned, you will know two things, 1, don’t turn your back on her and 2, don’t ever think she will forgive and forget!

Perhaps men have perpetuated this myth because we don’t want to believe in the power that women from history, like Queen Amina or Queen Boudicca, had over men. But with women increasingly gaining a foothold in originally male dominated areas of sports and business, I don’t think this particular myth is going to hold out for much longer.

5 myths about men

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , , , on November 1, 2009 by prekosifa

1. Men Are Not as Emotional as Women

No. Men are as emotional as women, just not about the things women want them to be emotional about.

If you’ve ever seen men watching or playing sports – football, basketball, golf, even playing poker – then you know that men are very emotional. The pat on the next guy’s ass! Good jump shot, the hugging and kissing when you score a goal. The celebration at winning. Jesus!

In the hunter/gatherer days it was kill or be killed, no time to cry about the deer you just slaughtered let alone name it Bambi and make a film about it. The goal was simple – feed and protect. Nothing much has changed, men still want to feed and protect. When that mission is threatened, you will see men get emotional even if to you it just looks like fists flying. Just watch your man’s anger rise when the 6ft 3inch Rasta shows you attention on Ocho Rios, to him his territory (read woman) is under threat of invasion and the only solution is to knock the rent-a-dread out.

A man’s violence is always related to his emotions. When a man is emotional he does something about it, so you get a load of guys whose only shortcoming is that their default setting is action not words. We are raised to fight and win wars, not talk about how our boss made us feel when he said our work was substandard! Even with the rise of the Metrosexual man, the fact remains that men and women are emotional about different things and in different ways. Allegedly it’s okay for big boys to cry now but until you can prove that women have lost their appetite for bad boys, embracing my feminine side can wait. I’m also willing to bet that you won’t catch a man who actually wants to get laid bawling into his woman’s bosom!

2. Men Don’t Like to Communicate

No. Men are actually better communicators than women.

If by communicate you mean talk a lot then the ladies win hands down. If you’re talking about quality of communication, not the quantity of words that come out of your mouth then it’s a slam dunk for the boys. Think about it, if men didn’t like to communicate we wouldn’t have so many mobile phones, we wouldn’t pick up girls in bars and we wouldn’t be able to get laid on a Saturday night. Unlike women who mostly talk for the sake of it, men actually communicate with an endgame in mind – a result. It’s more strategic. Occasionally we’ll talk for bonding. I can remember many conversations with my boys that would last for hours, covering a range of topics from sport to girls to growing up to cooking! We would gossip like it was going out of fashion and enjoy doing so.

The basis of this myth is probably the fact that we don’t want to talk at 3am when everything inside of us is saying it’s either sleep time or sex time. Timing is very important. Women like to talk at very strange times, for us. Football is on, time for a chat. No. Movie about to start, time for a chat. No. Just about to have sex, time to talk. Hell No!

So it’s not that men don’t like to communicate, it’s just that we don’t like to talk just to talk!

3. Men Think About Sex More Than Women Do

No. Men are just more honest about their fascination with sex.

Men think about sex no more and no less than women do. It’s just that it can be pretty obvious that we are thinking about it. The tell tale sign is our downfall and will always get us into trouble, although scientifically arousal isn’t always about sex. The truth is we do think about sex a lot, but so what?  I like to think about happy things throughout my day and sex is probably the happiest thing I have done in my life. On top of that, what goes on between the four corners of my mind and the crotch of my pants is mine and nobody else’s business.

Men thinking about sex is not the problem, I think the real issue for women is that we may not always be thinking about you when we do it! More on what women say they want and the truth here.

4. Men Want to Avoid Marriage

Wrong again. Men want to avoid weddings!

Look, the one thing we want is to be with someone in a committed relationship. We want to have that partner who is there through thick and thin. We want to be a part of something bigger. What we don’t want is the hoo-ha and uproar that goes with planning a wedding. It’s every woman’s dream to have that big day as the centre of the universe with all the other girls looking on with envy, hoping to catch her bouquet. Your dream is our nightmare. The wedding isn’t about us, we’re just props for the day because you can’t have a beautiful bride without a dashing groom. No wonder we’re not as enthusiastic about the wedding as she who must be admired by the masses for a day.

Men have a more practical non-fairy tale perspective which gets wrongly translated as an avoidance of marriage. The average wedding now costs about 20K. Just think how much beer you could buy for that. Or a new car, fix up the den, season tickets for our fave team; the list is endless and makes significantly more sense to us than spending that much on one day.

The biggest issue is that the minute we put a ring on it, she turns into someone else and no longer makes the effort to excite us and we end up feeling like we just got got. We want the newness to last as long as possible. Be honest, as a girlfriend you’re more likely to do the blow job under the restaurant table than as the wife. Frankly ladies, the benefits of being in a relationship with a woman who wants to catch and keep you far outweigh those of being actually caught. Just thinking about it makes us want to run as far away as fuckin’ possible!

5. Black Men Have Bigger Dicks Than White Men

True?