Sperm donors please apply…NOW

I was having a chat with a female friend of mine this week. I haven’t seen her in ages and she is nearing 40 and still single. I asked her why and she said that love had not worked out for her over the last two decades. On reflection there had been men that had wanted to be in her life but, with hindsight, she had hoped to find better out there and turned them down. Now she felt she was in a terrible position. She wanted kids, and a relationship, but the men that were available now were kind of the barrel-scrapers.

‘All the good ones are either married, dead or in prison.’

I agreed with the first two points but was dumbstruck by the last, then again, different strokes and all that. I felt her pain though. The dating game is scary enough for guys at that age, especially ones who are looking for a long term relationship, but the only saving grace that we as guys have is that we generally do the choosing, at least initially. Women wait to be chosen, which is great when you are younger and have lines of guys vying for your attention, but as you get older and the requests start to dwindle what can you do without looking too desperate?

What do you do if you want children and are an age with little to no chance of finding a partner?

I heard a debate on the television recently about women in their late thirties/early forties who are choosing to have children by any means necessary:

  • Some are hooking up with guys on a one night stand in the hope that they might get knocked up
  • Others were approaching long term platonic friends in the hope that they would donate sperm, and perhaps a cot to help the cause!
  • The report went further, suggesting that women of all ages were now actively looking to have children without the presence of a man at all.
Halle Berry, a 40+ mother

Halle Berry, a 40+ mother

Things were getting a little bit silly in TV town with emails flying in thick and fast from women who were eager and willing and couldn’t wait to get pregnant. I was horrified and just thought to myself, how selfish can someone be? I am not questioning the love that these women would have for a child but I think that the situation that you put a child into should be first and foremost, the most important thing. In addition I think that a lot of these women were not thinking about the child at all.

In many cases it was a case of ‘I’ve got my career, my big house and bigger salary, but something is missing.’

For others it was about ‘I just want a baby and I can raise it without a man.’ This last point for me was no boasting matter because again no one was asking the child if they want a dad around. It seemed more like a female independence point-proving exercise. So then I asked myself what kind of world are we living in where this kind of thing is acceptable? For any of you out there who are fathers you may already know the answer to this. The whole world of babies is not one that guys are welcome in. I remember buying supplies for my brand new born son from a high street pharmacy.

The negative looks I got from women were amazing!

It appeared that I wasn’t welcome in this female world and some ladies couldn’t wait to show me their disapproval. The hospital was even worse. I was treated like a second class citizen up until my child was born and I was leaving the hospital. It was as if I was baring the brunt of female hatred because of the male-dominated world we live in. In such a world, one of the only female domains left that we as men could not infiltrate was the maternity ward. Men would never be able to have babies (and would never want to..I hope.)

It could be just me but having met other fathers over the years it would seem I am not alone.

Now I’m not trying to be hard and shallow minded about the whole pregnancy thing, but to be honest, you women and guys out there that were choosy and couldn’t decide what you  wanted when you were younger…TOUGH! You should have thought ahead and selected the best of the bunch that was sweating you. Basic maths will tell you that as you get older, the number of partners you could have will diminish. Waiting until your eggs are about to dry up or you can no longer sustain a hard on without medication is a bit late in the game.

Women trying to take short cuts so that they can check off the ‘I’m a mother’ box in their lives regardless of whether or not they are building a family is just plain selfish and irresponsible even. A child needs a mum and a dad. A man needs a woman, and vice versa, in their life. A woman cannot raise a boy to be a man anymore than a man can raise a girl to be a woman.

Hard perhaps, but hey, I don’t say things to be nice. I say things to be real.


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