So, exactly how many is too many?

I was listening to a female dj on the radio the other day and a woman had written in with a dilemma. Her fiancé had asked her how many men she had slept with prior to him and she had told him 14 (she was in her mid-thirties and to me this is a below average number and a good score for a potential wife). Her fiancé flipped, calling her a slag, ho’ and a whole host of other words of that genre. The dilemma she had though was that she hadn’t told him the truth in the first place. The real number of men that had stoked her fire was actually 34. Could or should she tell him the whole truth ?

counting numbers

We live in a society where it’s acceptable for a man to have as many conquests as possible from the time he gets his first hard on, but preferable for a woman to be a virgin (or something close to that) until she gets married. It is what we are told is the norm and expect to happen. We see on the television and in the cinemas. The truth is though that both men and women love to have sex. It gives you something to do at 6 in the morning; you can start your day with a bang, and bang on all day if you want to. It’s necessary for the miracle of childbirth and creates much jobs, the porn industry even does well in a recession!

Inevitably questions get asked. How many have you had is a reasonable enough question for someone embarking on a new relationship to ask a prospective significant other. It’s okay to want to know how many previous owners there have been and if there have been any serious scrapes or accidents. Some people even want  details and this too is fine if done in a loving relationship where no one is judged for previous sexual relations. It can add spice to a relationship if you are that way inclined. Questions are fine, they are allowed. But be happy with the answer. See the answer for what it is – just a number that really  doesn’t mean anything.

When a woman tells you how many men she has slept with, she won’t necessarily tell you the truth. She may only count the ones she enjoyed, or the ones she loved, or the ones that she remembers! Whatever number she comes up with will not be a reflection of the true state of affairs. It may well be just a number plucked from mid air. Her creative accounting is justifiable because most men will react like the guy on the radio did.

It’s okay to genuinely want to forget certain night-time encounters because they were so bad. Fact is fellas, the number of partners doesn’t matter because you really can’t handle the truth and she is lying anyway. A man will be thinking about the number of hard dicks his woman has had and will assume she is constantly making comparisons, marking him on a non-existent score card, (hmmn… bigger than Billy, a bit smaller than Winston!) It’s this thought that infects our minds and makes us unable to deal with this, not the actual statistics.

When a man tells you how many women he has slept with, he won’t tell you the truth. He may include the automatic triple start up (this figure denotes the girls he must have had sex with if he indeed started having sex at 15, and not 18 as his first encounter would testify); the girls he should have had during his week in Ibiza; the girls he almost fucked; the girls he wished he had; and the girl everyone thinks he fucked. Girls, the number of partners he has had doesn’t matter either because you can’t believe the score and you cannot use the figure to guess how good this guy should be in the sack.

So what we end up with is a nonsense conversation. The figure doesn’t tell you anything about the character of the person. If she has had 100 partners it doesn’t mean she is loose, anymore than someone who has had only 1 partner is saintly (she may just have been very unsuccessful at getting laid!) Guys especially treat this figure like it is a holy number, like it tells us all we need to know about someone. It doesn’t and it can’t. You may know you have ten chicken pieces in a bucket, but you can’t tell if they all taste good!

3 tips on what to do if asked how many partners you have had:

  1. Don’t tell
  2. No,  really don’t tell
  3. Don’t you dare fucking tell!

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