So, you wanna have a one night stand?

Growing up I often came across that phenomenon known as the one night stand. My older brother, a lothario of his own making, often had ladies coming back to the family home after a night out at the club. In the early hours of the morning I would hear the giggling, listen to the moaning and sometimes, whilst in the midst of sleep, come across a scantily clad female as I made my to the bathroom for a piss. I would say the obligatory hello to the dumbstruck lady and then forget about the whole experience the following day, thinking it had all been a sweet dream!

Not everyone can do a one night stand – that is, have sex with a virtual stranger usually whilst either high or drunk. And let’s face it, not everyone wants to. But there are a growing number of people out there who do enjoy playing this kind of sexual roulette. The sheer volume of singles bars and thousands, maybe millions of condoms sold out of a club toilet on any given weekend are testament to this (although you only get two in a pack).

Today the classic one night stand has even taken on many variations and you can have your pick of random, preferably meaningless, encounters. Take your pick from:

  • The noon-er – lunchtime fumble and rumble
  • The one day stand – same as the one night stand except the curtains are open and it is way before night fall
  • The slaggy slurpy – blow job behind a fire escape at your local club with the resident scrub
  • The hob nob – quickie over a coffee where the only cookies in sight are the human kind

You can even choose to have sex by the hour, on the hour, on the half hour – the list is endless. I hear talk of guys up North (of England) playing the ‘How many in 60 mins?’ game, aka Quickshagging. We are in a free market in more ways than one and sex has become just another commodity.

The choice is yours of course but whatever you opt for, remember that the rules always remain the same. So, whether you are an experienced shagger or new to the game, knowing the rules of engagement is always useful.  If you want to avoid that beautiful social stalker or the guy who thinks marriage just because you came more than once… then this is for you. Read the rules, follow them and most of all enjoy living by them!

The Rules

  1. Manage expectations in advance – all parties should be clear that this is a hook up, nothing more and nothing less.
  2. Leave before sunrise – no lingering. One minute too late and your presence could be mistaken for something that it is not – like a serious contender for a fledgling relationship. If that’s not your intention then leave on time every time! Give the man (or woman) time to change the sheets AND DON’T FIX OR ACCEPT AN OFFER OF BREAKFAST!
  3. Be honest – if you get lucky and find yourself in an impromptu encounter without time to manage expectations in advance (see Rule #1) then before you go for the kill state your position. Not easy in the heat of the moment I know but this little step could save you a lot of hassle after the fact. Besides, quickshags are more popular now than in Rome back in its heyday, so don’t think you may offend!
  4. Enjoy the ride – if you excuse the pun, you have nothing to lose and in theory will never have to see this person again (except by mutual request for a repeat performance). This is the perfect opportunity to try out all that kinky stuff you might be shy about in a relationship like swinging on the chandeliers or putting something sticky and edible on his or her best bits (you could give a whole new meaning to the old peanut butter and jelly sandwich!) Hell go to town and try out some of those weird and wonderful kama sutra positions but be careful. Don’t go showing off, especially if using drugs, because a 24-hour boner will only land you in the ER not the record books!
  5. Use protection – because there is never any excuse to have unprotected sex with a random/irregular/ugly-when-you-are-sober partner. Never. Ever. No exceptions. For one thing, having to ask someone’s last name when you’re registering the birth of a child you clearly did not plan on having is just not cool (that’s if you even know about the kid in the first place). Secondly, one of the perks of a one night stand is the freedom to walk away and not look back. Having to call someone to confront them about giving you a nasty case of the clap or worse, (and there is much much worse out there) is not the way to go, it takes the thrill out of the whole thing. Also ladies if you are going to go straight down to some good old fashioned blowjobbing, understand that STDs don’t glow in the dark and yes you can pick them up from oral sex. The same goes to you guys that just love to chew! Be careful down there.

One night stands don’t have to be complicated. In theory we all understand what they are meant to be but when boundaries get blurred it creates confusion and at least one broken heart follows. It’s not that deep and it doesn’t have to be that complicated if all involved learn then stick to the rules. Understand these rules and you never have to find yourself avoiding stalker calls from a one night stand that didn’t get that that’s all they were ever meant to be!

Join the conversation, leave a comment.

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One Response to “So, you wanna have a one night stand?”

  1. wow,when it comes to matters concerning the man n the woman,am always like,okay,it all comes down to chioces,i wouldnt mind a one night stand esp if it is played by the rules.
    Everything in this life has rules n regulations,take the case study of Pretty woman movie[julia roberts]
    we r living in a crazy world,what i term as bein wrong might be the best in my brother’s mind so i try not to jugde any body’s right or chioce,in Nigeria,due to poverty,av come across girls going into prostitution because of one excuse or the other but,lets define,who a call girl is?av also seen wealthy girls that r into it,so whats the rational behind them going into the trade,as a photographer,av also had the opportunity of managing a wedding event of a couple who confessed to ALL that they were a product of a one night stand but they were able to play it by the rules n yeah,they are married today.

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