Should you be friends or lovers?

We seek out love in all the wrong places as we grow up. Eventually we realise that sometimes love is right in front of us, and always has been, neatly disguised in the form of someone who has always had your back, who you have loads of fun with, who gets you on that important getting level, loves you unconditionally and will possibly do anything for you. Though it sounds like the recipe for a perfect relationship, that perfect person is actually your friend.

That’s right, the one you share stories about your conquests with, the one who goes with you to the hospital, the one who knows your family and gets on with just about everyone you know. Possibly the last person you would think of as a potential partner is just that.

However, stepping into this territory is not a given for happiness your friend is a friend for a reason and friends do not grow on trees. A few years ago when I was dating I had a particular friend that I could tell about all my exploits. She gave me advice, hung out with me and we always had a great time. My expectations of her were not the same as of a romantic partner, so she could say and do anything she pleased. I always knew that she had my best interest at heart, as I did for her. My friends to this day don’t understand why I didn’t end up with her and my response to them was why spoil something special. What I had with her wasn’t available everywhere and I valued her as a friend much more than I wanted to fuck her. If we did do something I may have lost the friend that I valued so much.

There is a reason why friends are friends and lovers are lovers. We may claim that we want our partner to be our best friend but is this really the truth? Maybe for some of you, but if you think about it when you have a problem in your relationship, who do you go to? Many of us go to someone we see as being a safe place – a friend – because they give us a sense of perspective about things which we so often need in life.

So what am I advocating here? Am I for or against this kind of love? Well the romantic in me has got to be for it. Friends understand you, love you and respect you. If you are lucky enough to have this kind of person in your life why would you fuck about waiting and trying out loads of other people? There are some risks however, you guys may not hit it off as partners, the sex may be terrible, or he/she may leave toenails in the kitchen sink, I could go on. But then these are just things that can be an issue in any relationship. More importantly, you may end up losing a good friend and good friends are extremely hard to find.

If you do find yourself in this kind of situation there are some things you can do.

Be honest with yourself and about your feelings. Recognise and be with how you feel about your friend. If you find yourself getting jealous or missing them, let them know. You should be able to talk to a good friend about anything so use that opportunity.

Be realistic and aware of the fact that if you spend a lot of time with or talking to someone you will possibly end up falling for that person. When you open up with someone you are giving a part of yourself and it’s easy to confuse the emotional intimacy created by that sharing of your deepest self for real love. Know yourself, know how you feel and know what you really want.

Above all else, enjoy yourself and if you are unsure, try it out. Good sex can come from good conversation so the sex will probably be great. If it doesn’t work out it’s possible that the friendship will survive and be stronger for it without the what if question looming over it. Either way play the game to the fullest and enjoy yourself whilst playing!

At the end of the day life is too short to keep getting into one unfulfilling relationship after another, after another. I believe in spirit and reincarnation, and that the people around us now have been there before, in a past life. Stay with me. Your brothers and sisters of today may have been your friends and parents of yesterday, your lover could have been your pet rabbit and your friend may have been your boss.

Whatever and whoever anyone is, you have a bond with your friend and it is this bond that can never be broken. If you want true happiness and are not afraid to trygo on, sleep with your friend and find out if the perfect relationship has been right under your nose all the time.

Join the conversation and leave a comment.

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2 Responses to “Should you be friends or lovers?”

  1. Best thing to do is to stay away from the friend zone. Good friends are hard to find. Keep the friendship and find your gem elsewhere.

  2. This is one of those crazy life things that should work but strangely does not always work that well, probably because most of us are far kinder and gentler with our friends than we are with our significant others! Also depends on how platonic the friendship is, there are some ‘friendships’ that have an underlying current which could so easily be something else when the opportunity arises.

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