Can long distance love ever work?

The politically correct answer of course is yes it can – in a perfect world where love is like a Disney film (circa 1950), with roses, cute animals and white doves flying around everywhere; where women wait for years to be woken from their slumber by a perfect kiss from a perfect and princely stranger. Awww! Beautiful! It’s Hollywood love, where we feel as if we are flying high in the clouds and that 1000 miles is not far enough to stop the beating of two hearts made only for each other.

The harsh reality is that long distance just doesn’t work for a multitude of reasons. Firstly, if you are anything like me, regular as clockwork at 7am, I have a woody the size of….well…a woody! In a regular relationship this presents an opportunity for some pre-work nookie, guaranteed to put a smile on your face and have you singing chimchiminee for the rest of the day. Long distance? You can get on the phone (after checking the time in Central Eurwherethefuckasia) and best case – phone sex, worst case – she’s still asleep and pissed as hell for being woken up!

Secondly, there’s your office party and having to book your absent half’s attendance months in advance then pray that you don’t lose your job or the airline doesn’t go out of business. Surprise gatherings can happen only when planned with the precision of a SWAT team Christmas party and spontaneous can never really happen!

Picture 18

But there is love involved in all of this and for love we do some crazy things, like get involved in a long distance relationship and actually believe it will work. We love the idea of endless love; love that allows you to ignore every other female in a club and walk out smugly with that I’m going to get laid in two weeks anyway look on your face! We think it looks good to others because we are willing to sacrifice a lot for the sake of love, an act that surely must show everyone just how deeply we can love. Beautiful right?

Long distance relationships in most cases don’t work out, whether it’s between couples in London and Manchester or Lisbon and Los Angeles. They don’t work because the people involved are working off the old relationship model which is okay with a girl that lives next door or at least in the same vicinity. People in successful long distance relationships understand that and what it takes to overcome the separation.

So what does it take and how can you make it work?

Confidence. You have to be extremely self-assured, not smug or conceited (although it can help!). You have to be the kind of person who enjoys your own company and don’t need anyone to validate you. If you are happy going out to dinner or a nightclub by yourself then you may be a better candidate than most for a long distance liaison.

Acceptance. You have to be comfortable with the knowledge that your partner has a full and vibrant social life away from you and be willing to hear all about their good times on calls you’d rather devote to phone sex. So what if she goes out to dinner with James and Roger from the office? So what if she goes camping with Johann and his lesbian wife Angelique? You still have to be the same guy on the end of the phone when she calls, providing a safe space for her to be who she is. Ladies the reverse is also true.

Honesty. We all know deep down what we can and cannot handle. Some people believe that relationship rules are geo-specific (i.e. that girl you fucked in Bali doesn’t count because it’s not part of the EU argument!) If you both agree to this, then it’s fine. If you don’t agree then you have a problem because infidelity doesn’t care what language you are using.

So no matter how fine she is or how big he is, if you have any doubts about your capacity to survive a long distance relationship then don’t do it. You’ll only wind up spending lonely days wondering where she is, what she is doing, what she is wearing or whom she is with and lots of other questions beginning with a ‘W’. The extra weight on your head (which could have been avoided) will turn you into a long distance stalker and believe me when I say Interpol will happily knock on your door to set you straight.

Join the conversation and leave a comment.

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6 Responses to “Can long distance love ever work?”

  1. yes yes yes! I absolutely without a doubt believe it can work. Not in every case quite obviously, but look at how many not-so-long distance relationships work out… maybe even fewer, by statistics. Who knows? It seems to me that any relationship can work if both parties involved are patient enough to realize that some things really are worth waiting for. If you are truly in love with one another then time and distance should be irrelevant really. The end result has the potential to be that fairy tale ending. So what if you didn’t have sex for a year? i guarantee you won’t actually die from going it alone when you’re feeling a bit horny. And in the world we live in today, you can video chat to replace the old fashioned telephone call and feel like you are in the same room with each other. Me personally? Perhaps I’m a bit strange, but I can’t imagine ever being mad at my partner for calling me any time of day or night. I’m not grouchy when I wake up and especially once i hear the voice on the other end of the line. How can you do anything but smile when you realize that.. yes it’s stupid o’clock in the morning.. but they’ve called you. for whatever reason. who cares? YOU are the one they want to talk to. YOU are obviously the one they want to spend their life with. Why else would they be putting the time and effort into even attempting to make it work when it would be so much easier to just move on to nearer pastures? Sometimes I believe things are just meant to be…written in the stars or however you want to look at it. It’s a rare thing for two people to actually find, a love so strong and true that it can pass the tests life tends to throw at it. But I cannot imagine not jumping into the opportunity to be absolutely and completely in love! (and yeah i know.. i ramble a bit and am like, what? a year late on commenting. I’ve only just started a blog account within the last few days but obviously have some strong opinions on this subject so felt the need to share. thanks for posting)

    • prekosifa Says:

      Dear purpleoptimist, better late than never and thank you for your positive words and belief in the pursuit of true happiness. I generally agree with what you say and do agree that these kinds of relationships can work. I think what’s important is knowing what the new set of rules have to be and honestly and openly agreeing to them. No everyone can forsake sex for more than a week, never mind a year! But it isn’t impossible and you are right, the end result is definitely worth it.

  2. Yes And No really! I think if you are looking for a friend with benefits, who’s up for some fun when him or her is in their home town then its all good. But if your looking for a more serious relationship, that can give moral support and that loving connection then NO it won’t work.

  3. I think it can work but doesn’t for the vast majority of people and that is generally because most relationships are not predicated on a deep love, instead they are a mixture of infatuation, sex and passing time. I know a number of people who have made them work, e.g. a couple I know were long distance for 4 years but saw each other every two weeks, three weeks at most. They are now happily married and the spark is still there. I know another couple that began long distance for a year and then moved closer to each other. 4 years later they still seem happy. What these couples have in common is that either a) they are deeply in love or b) they involve at least one person who would not be suicidal if they weren’t in a relationship.

  4. Depends on the people involved bt as 4 moi, no way!!

  5. patrick ebi amanama Says:

    wow,long distance love…hmm,it could work,everything is possible,thank God for the phone but with time,ha,it bcomes expensive n n boy,spending hr’s on the phone is no child’s play so to me,long distance relationship,no way.it wont work.

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