Archive for July, 2009

5 reasons you didn’t get a second date

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , , , on July 26, 2009 by prekosifa

1. YOU LIED

On the first date you lied about something – your beliefs, relationship history or both. You thought you did a good job but it’s possible that your fabrication took a good bite of your ass and credibility during the date or by the time your target got home. A friend of mine decided that a good way to get a girl in a club was to pretend he was deaf (yes this is a true story!) He got the girl’s attention alright…that is until she busted his lie when one of his boys called out to him and he turned around. Needless to say my friend didn’t get to a second date.

Lies don’t work because the truth always comes out – no matter how intricate or meticulous you think you’ve been in crafting a totally believable story – believe me I’ve tried it and paid the price.

2. YOU WORE SOMETHING YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE

On that first date you wore something that you were not comfortable in. You’re normally a jeans n t-shirt type but thought you’d step it up a bit to impress your date. Ladies, adding 6inch killer heels to your 5ft 2inch stature to look sexier might seem like a good idea. After an hour of tottering around trying to look cute, your longer, sexier legs won’t look so enticing with you complaining and showing more interest in finding somewhere to sit than in your date.

A good first date is one where you are yourself and comfortable in your own skin and shoes! You are what you wear and if you wear something you are not used to you’ll ruin a perfectly good date with an avoidable wardrobe malfunction.

3. YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE FUNNY

You told the one about the priest, the bishop and the call girl!  Humour is a very subjective thing and until you know someone, any risqué jokes with profane punch lines are to be avoided at all costs. Now I get that you think your mother-in-law jokes are funny but your date might find them plain offensive, especially as they may one day pertain to her mother!

True some people have the gift of making us laugh and that’s great but most of us don’t so where humour is concerned on a first date, err on the side of caution or play it safe with an ice breaker like I used to be a werewolf….but I’m alright nooooooooooooooowwwww!!! That one still kills me. That’s funny right? No?

4. YOU HAD HIGH EXPECTATIONS

On that first date you expected way too much. Don’t expect anything. You walked in with your fantasy of your date naked on a bed with a bow around her neck and a packet of condoms neatly tucked into her ample cleavage… and before you knew it you were saying all the wrong things, looking at all the wrong places and looking like you’d gone to Benny Hill’s school of courting – not good. You got touchy feely a little too soon. Went in for that kiss when she was just stretching her neck and made a bad joke about your longevity in the sack (see above). You were so sure of yourself that you already had plans for breakfast, only your date was through with you before you’d even ordered dessert!

Just chill,  enjoy the date and whatever is supposed to happen will come naturally. People tend to give more when they don’t feel pressured by the expectations of others.

5. YOU MADE THE OTHER PERSON UNCOMFORTABLE

You argued with the waiter about the soup then refused to leave a tip, you argued with the cashier at the theatre about the price of the tickets and then quibbled with the cloakroom attendant about the price of holding your date’s coat! You commented on the interracial couple seated at the table next to yours. You let your road rage get the better of you then abused the valet parking guy over a scratch that was probably already there. You are so intent on proving that you are right about any and everything that you end up looking like an obnoxious know-it-all. No-one likes a show off!

Don’t embarrass your date and yourself by trying to score points especially at the expense of other people. How you treat the waiter, valet or other service staff says a lot about you as a person and your date is watching. Just go with the flow and instead of trying to score cool points take the time to listen and let your date see your best side.

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5 reasons you’re still single

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , , on July 19, 2009 by prekosifa

1. Every girl/guy you meet reminds you of your ex

You meet a new person and are on your first date but everything about your previous relationships keeps coming back. The way he laughs with his head cocked back so you can see the dental work; the way he dances just slightly out of time; the way she eats with her mouth slightly open. Conversations end up being a point-scoring competition as venom from a previous relationship poisons  a new situation.

2. Credit crunch

Let’s face it, dating is expensive and in today’s economy money can feel like a scarcity – not to be squandered on dates with random people you probably won’t like anyway. Back in the day (well about a year or two ago when things were good) flowers, candy, dinner and a club were a staple for getting laid. Now we just don’t have the money to gamble on such delicacies. The result… a lot of dating in parks, museums and libraries! Sistas who want to get pampered are having to do it for themselves.

3. Too used to your own company/space/ways

It is possible that if you have been single for a while you tend to get used to doing things by yourself and sometimes you like your own company. Living alone I do things the way I want to. I cook when I want to cook, eat when I want to eat and sleep whenever I fall off the chair in a half drunken stupor. There is no one to tell me I can’t live this way. You get used to this and actually start to enjoy it. Hell sometimes you don’t even need a woman for the night…you can hook yourself up! After all you know what you like. The result is a lot of casual relationships with some men/women being fully happy with this.

4. You’re scared

Dating, relationships, marriage! Yikes! They can all be scary and those that have been there and back may not be that keen to try again…maybe this time he/she is the one… Depending on how it turned out the last time, when I meet someone new I immediately look for telltale signs – what this person is really like? Nobody is 100% honest initially, in fact it can take a while to find out the whole truth and usually by then it’s too late. The trap has been set, the bait eaten and the barn door bolted shut!

Fear of commitment is a genuine condition –  really. It’s partly about the unknown and wanting a guarantee that all will turn out well. You don’t want to be alone but you don’t want to get hurt. The horn makes you brave enough to stop playing Russian roulette with your dick or poker with your pussy, and throw yourself in at the deep end. Remember to take a rubber ring with you… just in case!

5. You can’t be bothered anymore

Maybe you’re just finally happy to be living by your own rules and enjoying total freedom. So much so that you just can’t be arsed to find a new partner. A new relationship can feel like a new job – you have to wash everyday, be charming, witty, and intelligent; not to forget having to spend more time outside of your house or playing the perfect host even when your guest puts a glass on your precious table without using a coaster. Don’t you just hate that?

Comparing that to the peace of chilling at home in front of the telly, playing Pro Evo soccer, sipping brandy with my choice of music (loud) makes me think long and hard about getting out there again. Is it laziness or my sixth sense telling me that whatever is around that corner is just more of the same? Been there, done that, writing the blog.

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On real learning

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , on July 12, 2009 by prekosifa

My son is seven years old and the other day as I picked him up from school I overheard two mothers of kids in his class talking about Secondary school choices. They had started thinking about higher education even though it is at least four years before their kids are eligible to attend. I hadn’t even thought of what to give him for dinner – am I a bad parent?

Thinking I was missing out on some big opportunity I too started fretting to the point of looking up league table results and school reviews as soon as I got home. Four long hours later I now know what the best schools are (according to the stats which to be honest do not make much sense to me but anything over 100% has got to be good right?), where they are located and how many pupils they take in each year. I am ready and equipped to put my son in the best school possible, thereby ensuring his future academic success and most likely his entry into the best job pool in the country. I patted myself on the back for a job well done and put my top 3 schools choices in a file marked top secret on my c drive, (a skull and cross bones added for effect.)

failing-grades

As I tried to relax afterwards I thought back to my own school days and I remember leaving the education system with good grades and a degree but I didn’t feel prepared for life. I basically didn’t know shit! I had academic sense but not common sense. I could get good jobs with top companies and I looked great on paper but shouldn’t school prepare you for much more than that?

Where are the subjects that teach you how to think or how to function effectively in a world full of others? Or subjects that teach you about the world as a global village and your role in it? Back in the day to say you were a learned scholar, meant that you had studied a selection of topics deemed necessary by the Ministry of Education. Based on the political scandals we read about all the time, I question the wisdom of that… If I could choose today what I want my son to learn it would go a little something like this:

  1. Mathematics
  2. English Literature
  3. Theology
  4. Philosophy
  5. Foreign Language
  6. Politics
  7. Music

I would choose these subjects because I would want my son to come out of education well rounded and at ease talking about a range of topics. Mathematics is the cornerstone of our civilisation literally, numbers tell amazing stories and allow us to measure. Measuring means you have an idea of an object’s value, scope and presence.

The written word lives in a world all of its own. It is important to know what has been said before for to know is to understand someone’s mindset. Theology and religion, because they are the number one reasons cited for starting and sustaining wars. Philosophy because it covers a wide range of topics like existence, knowledge, truth, beauty, law, justice, validity and mind. Languages, because the world as yet does not speak in just one tongue. CONTINUES AFTER POLL

Politics, because through this we learn how to debate, lead, maybe change the world and how to spot the bullshit played out in front of us everyday by politicos the world over. Finally music, because music is a beautiful thing that resonates in all of us. You only have to look at the global pain felt by music lovers all over the world at Michael Jackson’s death to see how completely music trancends borders.

Armed with this education I would encourage my son to travel the world, experiencing things for himself and drawing his own conclusions. Then I would be happy for him to get a degree – once he is sure what he really wants to study instead of joining the mass production of workers that the current education system really is.

Maybe Pink Floyd was right…

I know that the education system is unlikely to change dramatically but I can fill in the gaps by making sure that my son has access to the millions of books out there, the internet and through travel. As parents we have to take responsibility instead of leaving our children’s education completely in the hands of the system. Who knows, maybe we can even learn something along the way, after all learning is a lifelong journey.

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What is it about men with children?

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on July 5, 2009 by prekosifa

What is it about women when they see a man with a kid? I was in the store the other day waiting in line for Customer Services so I could return a faulty DVD. I had my Godson in tow; he’s there doing his thing as toddlers do, being annoying and cute all at once. So I finally get to the front of the line and the lady behind the desk is beaming at me and clearly enamoured with the three year-old.

He takes it all in his stride even when a lady behind me also comments on him and his cute kicks. Before I know it another woman, younger, has joined in the toddler love fest. I return my DVD, with no receipt and end up in a 20-minute conversation with the lady behind me in the queue. The customer services lady goes well beyond the call of duty to help me out and the younger lady just smiles, and smiles and smiles…

Cool dad Brad Pitt

Cool dad Brad Pitt

I finally tear myself away and bid farewell to the fan club and then it hits me: my popularity had more to do with the company I was keeping, the little man, than my own charms! The ladies clearly assumed he was my child and that I was a good dad. They also assumed (or hoped) that I was not with the child’s mother.

Why do I say that? Well, because these ladies were blatantly, even aggressively flirting with me. Now the logical thing to think when you see a man with a child is surely that there’s a mother of the child in the picture, even if she’s not physically there at that moment. Right?

Ladies, enlighten me, why is the sight of a man with a child so appealing to you? Let’s face it, a man with a child doesn’t actually tell you much because there are many scenarios that could have put him there including:

  • It is his child and he is with the mother
  • It is his child and he isn’t with the mother or
  • It isn’t his child.

That’s all. It cannot tell you if he is a good father or a good man, for that matter. So I really want to know what goes through a woman’s mind at that point. Is it about survival of the species and zoning in on presumed reproductive prowess or are some women walking around dreaming of a ready-made family without having to put in the nine months? I’m baffled. Fact is, if I weren’t such a nice guy with good taste I would have walked out of the store three-deep in brand new pussy. Granted the combined age may have been close to 130 but hey, it would have been free!

What’s even more interesting is that guys don’t swamp a woman with a kid whilst she is out shopping. Men immediately assume there’s a boyfriend, husband or baby father somewhere and we don’t want the hassle . That strikes me as a more sensible position, although a bit inconvenient for single mothers…continues after poll…

I’m no closer to figuring out the dynamic but I wonder if women see the future father of their children in the guy hanging out with a kid while men see a woman with a kid as OPP, perceiving her as ‘owned’ by the baby father, regardless of the status of their relationship.

Whatever the reason, I know the women in the store would not have shown me the same level of attention had I been by myself – I have tried it. Am I the last one in the room to figure out that this may be why so many guys have kids everywhere?

Join the global conversation – what’s your take on women losing their senses (and more) at the sight of a man with a kid?