Summer…summer…summertime!!

What is it about summer that makes a man like me smile? Is it the hot sun shining down on me? Maybe it’s sipping on an ice cold beer? Or being able to be outside until late, just chilling in the warm evening air?

 summer time

Yep, definitely all of the above. The best thing? Being the red blooded alpha male that I am, it  has to be the opportunity summer presents for checking out the girls as they roll by in short skirts, vest tops and hot pants, summer dresses flowing and showing off their wares to all who dare to stare. And I dare to stare.

Today in London temperatures hit a wonderful high. I awoke to the sun streaming through my bedroom window. I smiled. I knew today would be a good day.

But there are rules to what you should and shouldn’t wear out on the streets of the big city. We can forgive so much but not everything. So please girls if you are going to go there with that short skirt, for the sake of all those involved please ensure you are ready. I don’t want hairy legs ruining my view. Nor do I want to see armpit hair on a woman wearing a vest. If you are going on parade ladies, do it right!

chic with mini

I see it every year, people – guys included, who are just not ready for summer. Lads, you cannot wear woolly hats when the temps hit the mid twenties, your head will sweat and sweating produces unpleasant aromas. You can’t wear your autumn jacket – I don’t care how much you paid for it. You will get hot. You will sweat and the smell will be unbearable.

Show off!

Show off!

Guys, I know some of you think you look cool in your well coordinated outfits. I know you think you can get away with a spring look but if the clothes are too thick you don’t look cool, you just look hot and I don’t appreciate feeling hot for you. There’s just something about seeing some overdressed geezer pretending he’s not uncomfortable that makes me uncomfortable.

You know what looks good in summer? As little as possible. That is the dress code for summer. Simple, but there are some exceptions which I have to address. 

I’m not saying you have to have a six pack but let’s be fair, the girls enjoy a bot of eye candy as well so if you’re pale as hell, cover up. If your gut hangs over you belt, cover up. Why is it that with the first sight of sunshine, some guys feel it necessary to strip to the waist and walk around like they look good? Guys, if you don’t have the body don’t show it off, it;s not fair to the girls. Pale white bodies, like ashy black bodies do not inspire anyone, trust me.

chic in bikiniAnother thing, girls if you are wearing something skimpy, it will catch the average male eye so don’t get mad when guys just stare at you all day. This is not about not seeing you as equal but simply about being human. If there is cleavage on show that’s where we are looking. If you are wearing a short skirt, we are looking for the money shot. That split second as you cross or uncross your legs, we get to find out if your mama raised you properly! No offense but this is England, the sight of flesh makes some of us lose our minds and like prepubescent kids on a school trip we cannot control our joy. Guys in particular will look to another male to qualify what has just been witnessed. We like to share our good fortune with whoever is there with us. Summer makes us all smile because how can you frown when surrounded by bare flesh?

The worst crime of all, are the people out there who insist on wearing spandex and lycra – you know who you are. Why? Do you know what I think when I see a girl in leggings on a hot day…thrush alert… and I keep well clear.

Don’t mistake me for a pervert or sexual deviant but the fact is most things in life cost money. We work hard to afford a place to live, food on the table and toys for our children, (or ourselves). We work at least 5 days a week and when the weekend comes summer bevvieswe spend a day sorting out stuff that we couldn’t do during the week. We should be enjoying life but many of us don’t actually get the chance to. So days like today are precious and what I call a free day. A day when you get to enjoy things…for free. Such days should not be taken lightly as they are a gift  from whichever God you may believe in. They give us the strength to carry on.

Enjoy!

Will Smith – Summer Time

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