Where have all the real women gone?

Women seem to have one hundred and one reasons for all the tricks they use in the name of looking good. Be it wigs, weaves, blonde highlights on brunettes, false nails, breast implants, whatever, they make it sound very respectable and reasonable to invest as much time and money as they do to ‘enhance’ their appearance. 

The reason is irrelevant for what I am about to lay down. You see my main concern is that a wig is nothing more than a physical manifestation of the wearer’s fundamental dishonesty. A lie. When you see a fine woman with nice hair in a club or at the mall, you assume that what you see is what God gave her. Why wouldn’t it be? Unfortunately, you actually get a little bit more than you bargained for, like someone else’s hair. 

Wigs to me are like good lawyers, they hide the truth. I remember when I was younger. It was the first time my then girlfriend stayed over, a romantic time, a time of innocence. I thought I knew everything I needed to know about her. She was beautiful, intelligent, witty, dressed well and above all my mum liked her.

In the throes of passion I reached forward and pulled her head back (someone told me this was a killer move.) Imagine my shock when ‘her’ hair came off in my hand. She thought my scream was induced by pleasure…it wasn’t! It took me a long while to get over the whole experience and I was left feeling cheated, like I’d been had by false advertising.

The enhancements have become significantly more sophisticated.  They are less inclined to come off in an unsuspecting hand and it’s quite hard to tell what’s real and what’s not. For me though,  the fact remains, wigs whether good or bad still hide the real person.

I would like to be able to pick my girlfriend out in a line up (not that I’m into criminals but you never know, you know!)  How the hell can I do that if she is changing her hair everyday? On top of that if children are involved then it’s got to be traumatic for them, just imagine some confused kid:  ‘Mum…is that you? Oh sorry aunty!’

A wig signifies someone who is not comfortable in her own skin. I have to ask myself, if she is willing to lie about her hair then what else is she willing to lie about? Is it fair to assume that the woman who dons a wig is the woman most likely to cheat on you? Most likely to lie to you? I don’t know, but it does raise the question in my head and that’s enough. One thing I do know is that I may think twice before believing what she is telling me. Unfair? Maybe. 

There is a scene in ‘I’m gonna git you sucka’ (shout out to the low budget early 80s movie) when some poor unsuspecting guy takes what he thinks is a hot chick home. To cut a long story short, by the time she’s pulled off her hair, nails, boobs, legs, teeth, and even an eyeball, dude is left petrified and feeling stupid. Ladies, let a man love you for who you really are, not who you are pretending to be. Honesty from the get go in a relationship is a good thing isn’t it? Isn’t that what you all cry for and isn’t that the best foundation of a long lasting relationship?

I know some of you out there disagree with what I’m saying. In fact I probably won’t be answering any calls from my ex partners for a few days! In my defense, I have tried to think about this from the other side and I’ve considered whether as a man I contribute in some minor way to women feeling they have to add stuff to be attractive.

Personally I don’t see the need for all the add-ons. They don’t even make sense to me. Maybe I’m over thinking the whole issue and fake hair, boobs, or nails are no different to flash clothes or a nice ride. It’s all about image and if that’s the case then I’m guilty of the same thing. I guess the point of all the add-ons is to look good and feel confident right?  

 
Some guys actually go for that stuff and like the unnatural feel of implants, the face of enhanced perfection or long hair neatly attached with glue. Maybe blondes do have more fun even if the blonde came in a bottle and their roots are plain old brown. Just because I think women go to the extreme, it doesn’t mean I’m right. Maybe I’m the one with a problem and I’m projecting my own issues with self image onto women. Nah, I don’t think so!

Join the global conversation and share your views on this issue by leaving a comment.

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7 Responses to “Where have all the real women gone?”

  1. The reason women adorn themselves because is to gain an advantage over other women. people have been adorning themselves since the beginning of civilisation. In some tribes its the men that adorn themsleves because its the wonem that choose their partners. There is a reason why gay men are well dressed and fill up gyms; thats because men are visual creatures and we are trying attract them and keep them attracted. We all sell a better representation of ourselves. I wear my hair natural and rarely wear make up just coz I am too lazy. I however dress to enhance my best features and minise my worst so I look good. Its instintive too want to primp. Society has told us how; clothes, being thin, long flowing hair, etc. So if you do’t measure up you willl find a way to.

    I would happily tell a guy all my physical flaws on the firts date, bring pictures as evidence but I have been told guys don’t like girls who moan about themselves.

  2. Chantal Says:

    Might I add to this discussion by saying that women enhance themselves for a number of reasons:

    1) It is human nature to aspire for what you do not have. Whether male or female we want more. I’ve never met anyone in life who wants to regress. It’s all about growth and enhancement. The theory goes: if we have what is regarded as desireable then we have more standing with our peers which equals greater fulfilment. This ties in to my 2nd reason why women enhance themselves in ways you find so irritating.

    2) It so happens that women in our society are valued more for their appearance than much else and the standard increases with every new edition of GQ and Nuts magazine. There are countless images of what society advocates as desireable bombarding women of all ages and guess what? its all about bigger cleavages, bigger (or smaller) arses, longer this, tighter that. This is where the problem starts, most women do not look like they belong on the cover of Esquire or King so in order to compete and stay abreast they create the illusion. You may interpret this as deceptive or underhanded but I assure you there’s nothing sinister afoot unless the woman actually wants you to believe that it is her hair, boobs etc in that case she’s a plain liar (nothing to do with the fact that she wears a weave)

    I as a proud weave/ makeup and whatever else i can lay hold of wearer do not wish to deceive anyone. I wear weaves to look presentable, to give my hair a break from harsh weather and to just experiment with my look. My weave or make-up wearing is not indicative of a major character flaw (i like to think of myself as quite pleasant..lol)

    At the end of the day aesthetic beauty is all about the visual. If that can be acheived artificially why not? Yes there are those spineless women who hide behind a facade but not all women are like that. Artificially enhancing ones looks is fun and expressive as long as it doesn’t detract from a woman’s underlying beauty which will primarily be found in her character and demeanor.

    • Prekosifa Says:

      Chantal,

      Okay I see your point but it sounds to me like you are saying it is okay to parade yourself around in things that are ‘just not yours’. (If God didn’t give them to you…give them back!!haha). I get your reasons but most of us guys cannot tell real hair from fake hair, we get makeup but don’t get the eye shadows and mascaras, we don’t really know how these things work and what they can hide. These things hide your true self. In your words it is okay to use any means necessary to get your foot in the door (so to speak), to get that first date or that good valentines gift or whatever. My problem with that is it just isn’t who you purport to be.
      If a guy drives a nice car that isn’t his, wears his brothers clothes, wears fake contacts and sports a fake ‘fro would you feel cheated? And please don’t blame us guys for what you girls HAVE to go through. No one twists your arms to try and look like a King cover girl, if you had a little more faith in your own appearance none of that would matter anyway and those magazines wouldn’t be something for you to look up to. So Chantal, why do you think you look unpresentable without your weave and makeup? Who is your judge?

      • anonymous Says:

        Well……you make some very interesting points, however, you’re still over emphasising this idea that women who ‘hide’ themselves from you poor unassuming men are covert deceptive creatures. Now your also suggesting that a lack of confidence is to blame for much of our primping as well. And your right to an extent, some women use adornment to mask a lack of confidence but I’d answer by saying that the majority of women on this planet who adorn or enhance themselves in one way or another cannot all be deceptive cheats with low self esteem.

        and Yes, it would be a little weird for a guy to wear/use what didn’t belong to him however i’ll have you know that my weave and make-up very much belong to me! (I bought it therefore it is mine! lol) The guy comparison is not a great analogy though, because all those things (cars/ clothes/ weaves) are an extension of ourselves, to make up for our limitations, so possessing them is not inherently wrong provided you have true ownership. In that sense the hair I buy in a shop is as much mine as the car a man buys from a dealership.

        I would say the real reason women generally feel the need to add to what God gave them stems from the way in which females are trained to behave from a v.young age which in turn is attached to our historical role in society.
        Until quite recently women have not shared economic/social equality with men and for a bloody long time our main aspirations in life consisted of getting married and having children. One of the main prerequisites to getting married was being physically appealing to a potential mate (let us not ignore the fact that men are largely visual creatures) the other criteria was the ability to run the house, be industrious in a way that didn’t interfere with male dominance and be sexual goddesses to boot. You cannot just shake of millenias of this type of indoctrination.

        Now to some God gave a literally “physical” advantage, others were not so lucky so in order to compete in the grand scheme of things the ‘others’ have had to put themselves in the same position (by way of artificial means) as their naturally gifted rivals. basically it’s a survival thing, King and the rest of them are to women a quick reference guide to what men are looking for and women merely go about trying to ensure they meet the criteria so they aren’t left behind/on the shelf; this is the reason for emulation that you equate with a lack of confidence. Even if some women do lack confidence; is a little vulnerability all that bad? Men too have the same issues with confidence i.e. can i provide for my family? do i have the respect of my spouse/partner/kids/peers etc we’re all trying to appeal to one another. If fake is not your thing then fine a lot of men don’t really care about auhenticity they just want someone kind and beautiful to welcome them when they get home regardless of how they’ve achieved that beauty. At the end of the day a woman who is ‘fake’ but has a heart of gold is far better than a naturally beautiful cow. plus there is no such thing as a natural beauty if anyone claims to be one they are the true deceivers

        p.s when I say I wear weaves to appear presentable I don’t mean I prize fake hair over my own I mean at times it is just more convenient plus I can experiment with my look without subjecting my own hair to harsh chemical treatment. To answer your question of who my judge is. I have no judge apart from God. Including myself I have a panel of people whose opinions I respect.

        • Prekosifa Says:

          Miss Anonymous, Thankyou for your words and yes you do present some compelling and interesting counter arguments.

          However to re raise some of your points, i can make the assumption that the majority of women who adorn themselves in fakery ARE deceptive cheats with low self esteem. I will also say that there is no difference between the car for a guy and the hair for a girl. They are both purchases made to enhance something that isn’t true right? (Beauty, status, importance etc)

          You see it doesn’t really matter what is behind the reason, I am focussing on the effect, what we are left with.

          War is an ugly thing and we can debate for hours on the war issue but the true cost, the bottom line, is seen in the result, in the aftermath. the dead bodies of children, famine and disease. All of your points are valid but so what? What are we left with? What are we teaching our children? If we are teaching them something that isn’t too great surely we should take the time now to rectify where we are going wrong.

          You may think I am being hard on you fake hair wearing, over made up pinnacles of modern society but I do it for good reason. I care about the future and am frightened by the legacy we are leaving behind. I say we because I accept my role, as a man, in causing this too happen. I have been taken in by and tricked by such practices. i hold my hands up.

          Bottom line though is the simple question, Is this reliance on these additions a good thing or bad thing? In an age when celebrity (at any cost), seems to be the currency of the day, I just believe we need to be very careful and very clear as to the possible reasons why we do what we do

  3. Anonymous Says:

    Hi, good post. I have been wondering about this issue,so thanks for sharing. I’ll definitely be subscribing to your posts.

  4. Mate, everyone’s pretending, and they’re pretending they’re not pretending. At the same time I agree, in the world of appearances it’s the natural beauty that really counts, and a woman who can be at home and her gorgeous self without any make-up or adornments, slobbing around in a pair of jeans, but can also do herself up when the occasion arises, well, she’s the woman of real beauty imho.

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