Archive for May, 2009

Summer…summer…summertime!!

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , , , on May 31, 2009 by prekosifa

What is it about summer that makes a man like me smile? Is it the hot sun shining down on me? Maybe it’s sipping on an ice cold beer? Or being able to be outside until late, just chilling in the warm evening air?

 summer time

Yep, definitely all of the above. The best thing? Being the red blooded alpha male that I am, it  has to be the opportunity summer presents for checking out the girls as they roll by in short skirts, vest tops and hot pants, summer dresses flowing and showing off their wares to all who dare to stare. And I dare to stare.

Today in London temperatures hit a wonderful high. I awoke to the sun streaming through my bedroom window. I smiled. I knew today would be a good day.

But there are rules to what you should and shouldn’t wear out on the streets of the big city. We can forgive so much but not everything. So please girls if you are going to go there with that short skirt, for the sake of all those involved please ensure you are ready. I don’t want hairy legs ruining my view. Nor do I want to see armpit hair on a woman wearing a vest. If you are going on parade ladies, do it right!

chic with mini

I see it every year, people – guys included, who are just not ready for summer. Lads, you cannot wear woolly hats when the temps hit the mid twenties, your head will sweat and sweating produces unpleasant aromas. You can’t wear your autumn jacket – I don’t care how much you paid for it. You will get hot. You will sweat and the smell will be unbearable.

Show off!

Show off!

Guys, I know some of you think you look cool in your well coordinated outfits. I know you think you can get away with a spring look but if the clothes are too thick you don’t look cool, you just look hot and I don’t appreciate feeling hot for you. There’s just something about seeing some overdressed geezer pretending he’s not uncomfortable that makes me uncomfortable.

You know what looks good in summer? As little as possible. That is the dress code for summer. Simple, but there are some exceptions which I have to address. 

I’m not saying you have to have a six pack but let’s be fair, the girls enjoy a bot of eye candy as well so if you’re pale as hell, cover up. If your gut hangs over you belt, cover up. Why is it that with the first sight of sunshine, some guys feel it necessary to strip to the waist and walk around like they look good? Guys, if you don’t have the body don’t show it off, it;s not fair to the girls. Pale white bodies, like ashy black bodies do not inspire anyone, trust me.

chic in bikiniAnother thing, girls if you are wearing something skimpy, it will catch the average male eye so don’t get mad when guys just stare at you all day. This is not about not seeing you as equal but simply about being human. If there is cleavage on show that’s where we are looking. If you are wearing a short skirt, we are looking for the money shot. That split second as you cross or uncross your legs, we get to find out if your mama raised you properly! No offense but this is England, the sight of flesh makes some of us lose our minds and like prepubescent kids on a school trip we cannot control our joy. Guys in particular will look to another male to qualify what has just been witnessed. We like to share our good fortune with whoever is there with us. Summer makes us all smile because how can you frown when surrounded by bare flesh?

The worst crime of all, are the people out there who insist on wearing spandex and lycra – you know who you are. Why? Do you know what I think when I see a girl in leggings on a hot day…thrush alert… and I keep well clear.

Don’t mistake me for a pervert or sexual deviant but the fact is most things in life cost money. We work hard to afford a place to live, food on the table and toys for our children, (or ourselves). We work at least 5 days a week and when the weekend comes summer bevvieswe spend a day sorting out stuff that we couldn’t do during the week. We should be enjoying life but many of us don’t actually get the chance to. So days like today are precious and what I call a free day. A day when you get to enjoy things…for free. Such days should not be taken lightly as they are a gift  from whichever God you may believe in. They give us the strength to carry on.

Enjoy!

Will Smith – Summer Time

A rose by any other name…

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , , , , on May 24, 2009 by prekosifa

So the British politicians have been caught with their fingers in the pie and the whole country is up in arms about it. I personally can’t see why it’s in the papers everyday and on the news and even has people resigning over it.  What is the big deal? Really? I heard one radio show host getting very righteous about it and demanding that the culprits call his show and explain their dirty deeds.

You and I already know the answer to this one. They did it because they could. They did it because it was one of those perks of the job that’s not in the contract but is just business as usual. They spotted a loophole in the expenses guidance notes and instead of closing it they took advantage of it. Loopholes, as far as I know, are not against the law I’m a bit baffled as to why these people are being dragged through the streets like common criminals (metaphorically speaking of course.)

The facts are that a number (majority) of politicians, allowed a second home, were able to claim expenses for a range of things such as works on the house, or entertainment systems. The ones we heard about were claiming for massage chairs, porn videos, furniture, that kind of thing. The reason for the big noise is that the homes in question were not always used as a residence. Some of the ‘culprits’ were really savvy and refinanced the properties, built extensions, thereby increasing the value (known as flipping in property circles) and made a profit. It seems that nothing was out of bounds and actually it conjures up images of money laundering and all sorts of random criminal activity!

I agree that as taxpayers we should be bothered because ultimately we are footing the bill; these are after all public servants that have been taking advantage of us. No question there, it’s wrong. 

Where I lose sympathy with the public’s (over)reaction is that no one seems to acknowledge that it’s not just the politicians giving themselves extra perks on the job, we’ve all been guilty of the same indiscretion. I challenge any (or most) of you to tell me about just one job that you’ve had where you did not take advantage and help yourself to benefits that were not promised in your contract or even hinted at verbally.

The truth is, when I worked in an office I don’t recall paying out of my pocket for pens, paper, or even printer ink for well over ten years. Why? Because my employer paid and I took. When I worked in a chicken shop, I never paid for chicken, chips or apple pies for a very long time. Why? Because I took them from my employer and was even benevolent about it, sharing my good fortune with friends and family.

I know a guy right now who works for a multi national retail chain and who hasn’t paid for a pair of jeans since the last millennium. Why? Because he takes them from his employer (ironically his employer then balances losses due to theft – employee or otherwise – by raising prices and passing the expense on to paying customers!)

What I’m challenging here is the blatant hypocrisy showing itself over this issue. How many of us have used the company phone or grabbed a company toilet roll on a Friday night because the shop might be closed by the time we get home? How many of us have inflated our expense claims? Funny how even the most honest person, who otherwise has great integrity thinks it’s free for all or harmless to quietly give yourself a bonus at work.  Truth is that although there are some honest people, we live in a dishonest society and actually think it’s normal. It’s only a phone call…just one pen…oh yeah and a massage chair….

I would argue that most of us know the difference between right and wrong but when it suits us to ignore the wrong-ness of something, we do just that, convincing ourselves that it’s okay. Case in point, climate change or more specifically the contribution our addiction to cars makes to the carbon footprint. We know that cars are bad for the environment so surely the answer is to eliminate  or at least dramatically reduce our production and use of them right? Apparently not, instead we choose to protect the car makers and throw taxpayers’ money at ensuring their survival over that of the planet earth.  

Unemployment is a bitch I know but exactly why would you need jobs when you may not have a planet? The shortsightedness defies logic, mine at least. Another one is war, now I’m not going to get too deep into this but bottom line, war is not a good thing people and yet we find reasons to justify it and throw billions if not trillions in…yep, taxpayers’ money at it. 

In my view the politicians are no better or worse than the rest of us. If you have ever taken advantage on the job and are crying foul then I reckon you are just jealous or have some other irrelevant issue. The shit has hit the fan, the loophole has been exposed, let’s move on. Do we need these people to resign…why? What they did does not affect their ability to do their job, the job we elected them to do. Give them a slap on the wrist and put them back to work.

In the wise words of Iceberg Slim, the twentieth century pimp and novelist,‘don’t hate the playa…hate the game.’

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The seven deadly sins in relationships

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 17, 2009 by prekosifa

So I was watching a film about the seven deadly sins when it suddenly occurred to me that if these sins were applied to relationships today, some of us would be in for a rude awakening. I tried a couple and realised that each of the sins could and would probably lead to the end of the relationship. Common sense huh? You would think, but so many of us go through life failing to apply what are really very simple rules for life regardless of your beliefs.

Pride: You call yourself a proud person but the results of your pride leave you unable to deal with many situations effectively. You are too proud to recognise a problem in your relationship because you have to believe that you are always right. You cling on to your right-ness for so long until you lose your partner. Then blame him/her because pride does not allow you to look at yourself and your wrongdoings. Funny thing is, if you stepped back and viewed your situation without the pride distorting your vision, you would realise that you had fallen. And what comes just before a fall?…..right!

Pride comes with his cousin, Vanity and she allows you to focus on yourself and even start to believe that nothing you do could ever be wrong. Whichever one you are, proud or vain, the results are the same. You lose.

Envy: It is the envy amongst us that makes us unhappy with our lot, that makes us think the grass is greener on the other side. Think about it, we get unhappy with our partners as soon as we hear how somebody else is being treated:

MIKE
Tony’s girlfriend makes him dinner every day
LISA
Then you need to go and live with Tony’s girlfriend!!

Envy does not allow us to be happy. When you are envious, you get stuck in a trap created by your own imagination. You begrudge someone else’s good fortune without thinking about how they got where they are. If your neighbour gets a nice new ride, you secretly hope it will get stolen or at the very least scratched by some other over zealous and jealous neighbour with a penchant for making straight lines using sharp edges! Just as you look at other people’s material possessions with envy, your undermine and even reject the person that loves you, to chase someone else’s life, all the time not seeing that the problem isn’t that he has a better wife than you; the problem is you don’t recognise what you have got until it’s gone.

Gluttony: You want the nice car, the nice house, the trophy wife and kids, the multiple holidays each year abroad, the golf membership and all the cash in the world but you spend so much time at work that you don’t get to enjoy the fruits of your labour. By the time you look up,  from feeding your desire for more, more, more, another man is driving your wife in your car and enjoying your silk sheets in your master bedroom. On holidays your wife spends most of her time with the kids and you spend most of your time asleep or ‘connected’ to the office. That golf membership becomes the only thing you actually have left and you play that with a bunch of guys all in exactly the same boat. Life is about balance and gluttony destroys that  and with it your  life. Too much of everything doesn’t leave any room for anything.

Not to be confused with…

Greed: You have everything you could possibly want in life, but that is not enough. One car is not enough…you want seven!!! You go on a mad spree to collect as much wealth and material things as you can. You are greedy for things and you are greedy for people, suffocating your partner 24/7/365. You want all of their affection, all of their time until they can’t give anymore. You see with greed there is selfishness and you are blind to other people’s needs.

Lust:  Perhaps the most dangerous, lust will get you in trouble, everytime. You’re out with the fellas and that nice girl keeps smiling at you. Before you know it, you’re talking and drinking with her. The rest as they say, is history..and an ugly break up!  Sexual lust is easy, we’ve all been there at least once. But there is a type of lust that makes you argue long after you have lost the fight or an insatiable lust for success, more riches, for love , for better working conditions, the list is endless – that’s the lust that will control you and destroy you.

Anger: In life and in love, anger  is your worst nightmare. Shouting, cursing, hitting, breaking, smashing…the list is endless and the damage irreversible.  Some of us lash out with our words, some with our fists. Some of us destroy with our silence, express our anger passively, seething and slowly sucking all the air out of the room, all the time claiming nothing is wrong.

Sloth: Any of you out there with a partner who avoids work at any cost? Just stays at home all day chatting with her girlfriends or playing Pro Evo soccer with the boys. At first you don’t mind the burden until it dawns on you that this person is still sitting in the same place 8 hours later, smelling of a combination of cheetos, ass, sweat and pepsi. Sloth also shows itself in a person’s attitude: ‘Just can’t be bothered’, ‘I’ll do it tomorrow….if its not raining. ‘ The excuses never end, there’s one for every occassion. If you hear these kinds of excuses then you have already been visited by the sloth monster and it needs to be kicked to the curb!

Sometimes it pays to review your attitudes against timeless principles like the deadly sins, you might just be surprised to see how many negative habits you have allowed yourself to fall into.  

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Dating site…don’t you mean cyber meat-market?

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , , on May 9, 2009 by prekosifa

So I am doing some work on my computer and decide to check my emails, (4th time in 20 mins – don’t you just hate waiting to hear from someone.) Anyway as I check, an ad for a dating website pops up. Usually I would be annoyed and click the cross to get rid of it. Today, for some reason I’m intrigued and when the dating site logo flashes on my screen on impulse I decide to sign up.

I’m guessing a conversation I had with a friend the day before about his online dating experience had something to do with it. To cut a long story short, he met someone online and before you could say gigabyte, they’d met offline, consummated the ‘relationship’ and in the click of a mouse, the whole thing was over. Done and he was left feeling unenthused about the whole encounter.

His ‘slightly fed up’ demeanour and unhappy acceptance of the situation was what took me aback. His issue was that the sex distracted from what he felt could have been a good evening with nice conversation. The expectation from his date to ‘get it on’ got in the way of his search for a real relationship and this got me to thinking: Exactly what do people think they’ll find on these sites, if not just sex?

I might be quite green when it comes to this stuff but I don’t get why anyone would put their picture up on a screen for thousands of strangers to see anyway. They don’t know or seem to even care about who the people that they share personal details with are. I mean, you wouldn’t bump into someone on the street and just start ‘sharing’ about your love of bondage or secret life as a dominatrix! Would you?

The site I joined made no bones about being all about easy access to sex with strangers. Questions were asked about the size of my pride n joy, where my erogenous zones were and which position I liked best in the back of a car! I answered all the questions, primarily because I knew I wasn’t going to put my picture up or go on any dates anyway. As I looked over the questions something else struck me – there are a hell of a lot of freaks out there.  

People want to do all kinds of crazy shit to you or have stuff done to them by complete strangers they will never see again. Why is it that we are happier having freaky sex with people we don’t know? The dating site told me something that I long suspected. Sex, the more adventurous kind anyway, has been driven underground via the Internet. I’m willing to bet that people seeking their thrill from a stranger online are there because for some reason they are afraid to ask their spouse or partner for what they want.

Sex today has changed from how it was when I was younger. It was more intriguing than it is today because a lot of things you didn’t find out  until you had already made some kind of commitment. Girls that had their tits all out on the street were limited to local trollops! Today, everyone seems to have it all hanging out and on display for all to see and even feel. Young people are not shy anymore and in some cities the muffin tops are taking over!. Women in general have become more direct too. They tell you what they want and how they want it, like they’re ordering off an a la carte menu, just the way they like it.  

 The dating site had pictures of women with their breasts out and best bits on display with nothing left to the imagination. Their intentions were clear and to the point  – ‘if you like, let’s meet, if we meet, we fuck’.

Dating itself has changed from somethng that was a prerequisite to finding a good relationship to now being a word we use when we are really talking about no strings attached sex. Sites like the one I visited give you all the information you need to have a good session. They focus on the end point and not the journey or the reward of putting in some effort.online dating The funny thing is really good sex comes from knowing and understanding your partner, their needs and their desires. There’s no shortcut to that knowledge, it comes through time and attention not the use of a scroll bar.

Sex under these conditions doesn’t lead to fulfilling encounters. It leads to a vicious cycle of you looking for more of the same over and over again. I guess my point is don’t call them dating sites because that’s just false advertising. Call them what they are: easy shag sites and be proud of that, there’s clearly a market for what they offer.

Society is changing all around us and as I sit at my computer I ask myself what it would take for me to sign up to a dating site. Call me a bore or unadventurous if you like but it would feel as if I was selling out somehow. I’m not knocking the whole experience for other people, its just not for an old school romantic like me that isn’t ready to give up on society yet. I like to meet my women in normal places, bars, restaurants, shoe shops! I don’t know people, are these just the rambling words of a man who has a valid beef or am I secretly wishing I had the cajones to actually go on an online ‘date?’ I’ll let you decide.

Share your online dating stories (or nightmares) by leaving a comment!

Where have all the real women gone?

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 2, 2009 by prekosifa

Women seem to have one hundred and one reasons for all the tricks they use in the name of looking good. Be it wigs, weaves, blonde highlights on brunettes, false nails, breast implants, whatever, they make it sound very respectable and reasonable to invest as much time and money as they do to ‘enhance’ their appearance. 

The reason is irrelevant for what I am about to lay down. You see my main concern is that a wig is nothing more than a physical manifestation of the wearer’s fundamental dishonesty. A lie. When you see a fine woman with nice hair in a club or at the mall, you assume that what you see is what God gave her. Why wouldn’t it be? Unfortunately, you actually get a little bit more than you bargained for, like someone else’s hair. 

Wigs to me are like good lawyers, they hide the truth. I remember when I was younger. It was the first time my then girlfriend stayed over, a romantic time, a time of innocence. I thought I knew everything I needed to know about her. She was beautiful, intelligent, witty, dressed well and above all my mum liked her.

In the throes of passion I reached forward and pulled her head back (someone told me this was a killer move.) Imagine my shock when ‘her’ hair came off in my hand. She thought my scream was induced by pleasure…it wasn’t! It took me a long while to get over the whole experience and I was left feeling cheated, like I’d been had by false advertising.

The enhancements have become significantly more sophisticated.  They are less inclined to come off in an unsuspecting hand and it’s quite hard to tell what’s real and what’s not. For me though,  the fact remains, wigs whether good or bad still hide the real person.

I would like to be able to pick my girlfriend out in a line up (not that I’m into criminals but you never know, you know!)  How the hell can I do that if she is changing her hair everyday? On top of that if children are involved then it’s got to be traumatic for them, just imagine some confused kid:  ‘Mum…is that you? Oh sorry aunty!’

A wig signifies someone who is not comfortable in her own skin. I have to ask myself, if she is willing to lie about her hair then what else is she willing to lie about? Is it fair to assume that the woman who dons a wig is the woman most likely to cheat on you? Most likely to lie to you? I don’t know, but it does raise the question in my head and that’s enough. One thing I do know is that I may think twice before believing what she is telling me. Unfair? Maybe. 

There is a scene in ‘I’m gonna git you sucka’ (shout out to the low budget early 80s movie) when some poor unsuspecting guy takes what he thinks is a hot chick home. To cut a long story short, by the time she’s pulled off her hair, nails, boobs, legs, teeth, and even an eyeball, dude is left petrified and feeling stupid. Ladies, let a man love you for who you really are, not who you are pretending to be. Honesty from the get go in a relationship is a good thing isn’t it? Isn’t that what you all cry for and isn’t that the best foundation of a long lasting relationship?

I know some of you out there disagree with what I’m saying. In fact I probably won’t be answering any calls from my ex partners for a few days! In my defense, I have tried to think about this from the other side and I’ve considered whether as a man I contribute in some minor way to women feeling they have to add stuff to be attractive.

Personally I don’t see the need for all the add-ons. They don’t even make sense to me. Maybe I’m over thinking the whole issue and fake hair, boobs, or nails are no different to flash clothes or a nice ride. It’s all about image and if that’s the case then I’m guilty of the same thing. I guess the point of all the add-ons is to look good and feel confident right?  

 
Some guys actually go for that stuff and like the unnatural feel of implants, the face of enhanced perfection or long hair neatly attached with glue. Maybe blondes do have more fun even if the blonde came in a bottle and their roots are plain old brown. Just because I think women go to the extreme, it doesn’t mean I’m right. Maybe I’m the one with a problem and I’m projecting my own issues with self image onto women. Nah, I don’t think so!

Join the global conversation and share your views on this issue by leaving a comment.