Why do women let themselves go when they get a man?

A few years ago when I had been in a long term relationship for a while, I was getting ready for bed and noticed my then girlfriend  in her old t-shirt, hair net covering her crowning glory, face lathered in some cream promising to keep her youthful and wondered how I’d fallen for the oldest trick…again

It seems like one minute I was feeling lucky to have won the heart of the woman of my dreams and now here I was wondering who this woman in old knickers and a pair of socks asking me to have sex was. As I made my way over to her side of the bed, I realised that nothing felt familiar anymore. Her side of the bed was strange to me. Pillows felt different, mattress felt different but more importantly she felt different. 


Having obliged the lady (hey who am I to say no) I made the trek back to my side of the bed and fell asleep. No hugs. No kisses. Just sleep. I know now that this was the beginning of the end. Looking back, it’s hard to put a finger on when things actually started to change; it’s like I woke up one day and she’d let herself go. That’s the only way to explain it. (And that’s the story that got told to all my friends!)


Women seem to stop making an effort as soon as you give them a few hangers in your wardrobe, then they park their not-so-dainty feet under your table and think they’ve got your ass for life. All of a sudden they start wearing underwear, stop turning up naked in bed and totally abandon the freak that showed so much promise on your first few nights of ecstasy and morph into some lover/mother combination that we just love not to love. 


The whole courtship routine that women employ is like a damn covert operation, skillfully using all the latest silk and lace technology from Victoria’s Secret to entice then secure the target of their affections. There’s the make up, pretending to be open minded in bed, wearing our t-shirts better than we could ever hope to and making us feel like number one. It’s all a game, a beautiful game that works and I admit to falling for it every single time. 


It seems to me that the process of letting themselves go is as systematic for women as the process of getting you in the first place – slowly over a period of time. So slow in fact, that we men cannot actually tell that things are changing until we wake up one day trying to figure out how we got here and what that woman with curlers in her hair and passing wind freely is doing in our bed?


Apparently women think getting a guy to make (reluctantly or otherwise) some kind of grown up and public commitment is the end of the game. It’s like cyclists pedalling a bike as hard as they can for a few minutes then relying on that momentum to take them the rest of the way. It’s a strategy designed to reel us in with acrobatics and fancy lingerie at the beginning so that we are occupied with daydreams of those good old days and don’t notice that those days are gone – for good. If we’re lucky and  ask nicely (read beg) we may get an action replay twice a year, on Valentine’s and her birthday (even that most sacred of holidays Christmas isn’t a sure thing!)


When I go to bed at night I want my woman to be wearing nothing, or very little. I don’t want to see makeup on my sheets, I don’t want to see a face pack. I don’t want to see what may be the most comfortable knickers for you but are just passion killers for me. I don’t want to smell anything funny under the duvet and I don’t want to see static under the sheets from your hairy legs! I also don’t want the whole experience to be a big deal.  


What I do want is simple. 


I want you to make the same effort on day 1001 that you made when I got lucky on day one. And I want you to want it too. Is that too much to ask? I want you to want to make the effort for me because you think I am worth it. In return I promise to do the same for you, not because I have to but because I want to.  It’s a simple proposition – treat us like Kings and we will worship you as Queens and the objects of our desire. 


A relationship is not a destination, in fact it can be the journey of a lifetime so ladies, please, dress for the occasion.


Am I asking for too much? Join the conversation and post a comment.



22 Responses to “Why do women let themselves go when they get a man?”

  1. Yes, women do let themselves go. All of a sudden, smelling good and dressing sexy is a thing of the past….and god forbid you ask her to wear her hair down. ” what you think I’m fat or something?” as she destroys a bag of potato chips. You want to keep your man happy? Be conscious on what you are eating and stay active or else we may lose interest and become bored of your lazy fat kid habits. Unless of course your man is also a lazy ass. Then you both are doomed.

  2. I think both sexes do let themselves go in one way or another. Its just a matter of becoming too comfortable, a matter of not wanting or feeling the need to impress anymore. Once you feel you have captured someone with the best of you, surely they’re going to have to see the worst of you at some point. so slowly we start to reveal our unsightly single behavior. for men that might be, leaving toenails on the floor everywhere, putting sports before romantic nights out, or suddenly noticing that your washing pile has become full of your boyfriends skid ridden undies. for a woman, you will find that she does have bodily functions, her shit does stink especially when you go in the bathroom straight after her, and unbeknownst to you she’s been wearing spanx for the first precious months of you’re relationship and she hasn’t got the smoothest flat stomach you have ever seen. we all have our little flaws. its just about finding that one persons flaws that when they aren’t around they suddenly turn flawless. 🙂

  3. Men are the reason I’ve “let myself go”. I’m weary and worn-out from all of the pain and suffering that men have caused me. My heart just isn’t in it anymore. And the truth is that it doesn’t matter one little bit whether a woman “lets herself go” (god, I hate that expression!) or not, because the man is going to grow tired of her sooner or later regardless of what she does or doesn’t do. She can be the most beautiful woman in the world, with a great personality, and a heart of gold, and her man WILL grow tired of her. He WILL become dissatisfied. He WILL leave her sooner or later because a man is unable to be satisfied with any one woman. I wish that a wise older woman would have told me the truth about men when I was young. Maybe then I wouldn’t have wasted so many years trying to please men, and oh lord, I tried so hard to please them! I made myself look as beautiful as I possibly could, and I did this consistently, every day and every night. Not only that, but I was the total package. Not only was I a very attractive woman with a great figure and who enjoyed sex, but I was also sweet, kind, interesting, and fun to be with. I was loving and supportive. But it was never enough to cause any man to want to stay with me. No matter how perfect I was, I could never live up to any man’s idealized fantasy image. So ladies, if you think that you could get the love you want from a man if you just try harder, the sad truth is that it will never happen. Men simply don’t have the capacity to love you the way you want to be loved. It’s not your fault that your man left you, and it’s not because you “let yourself go”. He left you because it’s in a man’s nature to leave. It’s in a man’s nature to never be satisfied. Even if his perfect dream girl were to walk into his life, he would still be dissatisfied. Be strong, ladies. Yes, men make us weary and cause us to suffer, but be strong. There’s no need for dismay. Dry your tears and know that love and beauty exists within you. Men didn’t give it to you, and men can’t take it away from you.

  4. if women put on weight, then she should be doing something about it, there is no excuse for it, i;m sorry to say. … none of this comfort eating, and “chocolate is better than sex honey ” or ” eating for two ” is washing with me…… a moment on your lips is a lifetime on your hips, so burn baby burn those calories.

  5. here here ….!!

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