Guest opinion Masi, Washington DC

Cheatin’, infidelity, creepin’, a bit on the side – call it what you like: the question is why do men and women do it?

HE SAYS: Men cheat for one reason and one reason only – because we want to.

I know it can look as if there are a thousand and one reasons as to why we put it about a bit (okay, a lot): we blame our women, our jobs, other women, medical conditions, the list is endless. But the bottom line is we cheat because we want to. It’s that simple.

SHE SAYS: It’s that outrageous – women at least cheat for good reasons – revenge or necessity – not gratuitous just-because-I-want-to-ness! We cheat when we’ve caught you out a couple of times and  – good or bad –  are not quite ready to leave your cheating ass. The revenge affair helps restore our sanity, for a while at least. Chances are it will be short-lived, with an ex or friend-with-benefits and you will never know about it. In fact you should be grateful because the revenge affair buys you time to redeem yourself (or not as is usually the case.)

Secondly, we cheat out of necessity: like when the perfect guy falls short in the bedroom (no pun intended) and when we consider leaving someone who is a good provider, loves his mum and gives a dollar to a hobo here and there, a necessity affair seems like a better option. For a while, a girl can have it all – a good man and a good shag.

Like the revenge affair, it buys time for the guy to get his act together (or not) or for the gal to find her courage and leave. Bottom line though all affairs – even out of revenge or necessity – don’t solve the problem, they just prolong the misery.

HE SAYS: Please. Nobody has to do anything. Stop laying the blame on somebody else’s doorstep. Whatever happened to taking responsibility? 

We live in a world based on a basic lie as far as relationships go. Do you know what that lie is? One word…monogamy. 

SHE SAYS: Monogamy is not just a word though – it’s a decision, it’s about making a grown up choice  to be in  a relationship or marriage that is good and strong and loving. Are you in it to build or destroy?

HE SAYS: We have tried and failed for centuries to live up to this monogamous ideal, it’s safe to say it doesn’t work and in fact it doesn’t feel natural. Maybe polygamy is the norm.

SHE SAYS: No way – for one thing polygamy doesn’t offer much benefit to women – it just burdens us with cooperating with your failure to function in a committed relationship. You don’t get my permission to bring another woman into our relationship – ever.

HE SAYS: Look, under the current model of relationships this is what is supposed to happen:

 We meet a woman. We fall in love. We move in together. We get married. We have kids. Kids leave home. Oh yeah and the climax?

 We die. Not exactly exciting.

 In the real world or man’s world if you like, we meet a woman (we are looking at other women.) We fall in love (we are looking at other women.) We move in together (we are looking at other women.) We get married and yes we are still looking at other women. We have kids, physically things change so we are looking even harder at other probably younger women. Kids leave home (and we are still looking at other women.) Then we die, with a smile.  

 SHE SAYS: We look too, we may be more discreet about it but we definitely enjoy a little eye candy as much as any man…

 HE SAYS:  I’m not finished – we look then we swear she’s just a friend, then we start coming home late from work and well, you know the rest.  We cheat because we want to and there’s really nothing wrong with that.

SHE SAYS: There’s a lot wrong with that – for one it usually involves lying to the wife/partner and even the other woman. Lies are not right or good, just wrong. When the truth comes out, as it always does, there’s a lot of hurt and destruction. Hurting people and destroying families is not right or good, just wrong. 

HE SAYS: There is no such thing as right or wrong – just different view points.  The problem is not what a man does with other women, it’s what his woman thinks it means about her relationship with him. You see to us it doesn’t mean anything at all about the relationship because the two are separate issues. 

SHE SAYS: So the problem is in our heads now? I don’t think so. The two are not separate at all. If the tables were turned you’d be crying into your beer with your mates, badmouthing all the bad girls that have brought good men down – think Delilah, Robin Givens, Elliot Spitzer’s call girl. Bottom line: infidelity hurts people and destroys relationships. 

HE SAYS: It’s not that deep – infidelity doesn’t hurt people, the lies and deceit do. The stories, hidden hotel receipts, the lingerie from Victoria’s Secret not in your size… 

Bottom line: men cheat because we want to, we’re not going to stop any time soon so accept it and worry about more important things.

SHE SAYS: I respect anyone’s right to sleep with whoever, wherever and whenever – just not at other people’s expense. It’s about common decency and basic respect. If you can’t be faithful don’t get married and don’t call yourself in a committed relationship – end of story.

Who’s right? Join the conversation and make a comment.


14 Responses to “Infidelity”

  1. 2me i jst feel whether a woman cheats or not, men will always cheat because it’s in their nature 2 cheat..i dont blame them cuz it has really really eaten deep in2 them

  2. its not just man, we women cheat too. it takes two to tango.
    if you dont get it at home they is no harm having it some where else. but you must be carefully and keep it to your self. everyone cheats

  3. Tolulope K Says:

    Guyz n galz should just be thinking right b4 takin any irrational steps cuz sum broken hearts never mend.

  4. well all that sounds well and good and yes it wud b nice to do as we plz but the trouble is u men, women as well probably do it behind there partners backs, if they want an open realationship then they should b open about it and if there partner agrees to it then fine, but that then isnt cheating
    Lets get it right, when your other half knows what your doing then it doesnt have the same excitement , and most of us wouldnt want to do it.

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